Quotes from Bill Nighy movies and TV shows

Dad: You can't kill Hitler or shag Helen of Troy.

Grandsanta: The Santas always come through Canada. Nobody lives here. It's nice and quiet.

Grandsanta: You were right, Arthur! It doesn't matter how Santa's gift gets there! It doesn't matter if it is Mr Postman in his Spaceship.
Arthur: Just as long as it gets there.
Grandsanta: You made it happen, Lad! No-one got left out.

Richard: [Pointing at a helicopter.] You ever been in one of these things?
Kim: Yeah, we have one at home. This one's pretty small actually.
Richard: Do we pay extra for irony?
Kim: No, the irony's free, it's the sarcasm you're paying for. Ironically.

Mr. Elton: Dearly beloved friends, we gather here, in the sight of God, to join together this man, and this woman, in holy matrimony, an honorable estate, instituted by God, in this time of man's great in-no-cence.
Mr. Woodhouse: In-no-cence? Innocence, no?

Mr. Woodhouse: Emma, you should not make matches, or foretell things. Whatever you say, always comes to pass! You must not make any more.
Emma Woodhouse: I promise to make none for myself, Papa, but I must indeed for other people. 'Tis the greatest amusement in the world, and after such success you know.

Slartibartfast: You must come with me, quickly or, or you'll be late!
Arthur: Late for what?
Slartibartfast: What? Oh, no...What is your name, earthman?
Arthur: Dent. Arthur Dent.
Slartibartfast: Late, as in the late Dentarthurdent. It's a kind of threat, you see.

Slartibartfast: Ever heard of a place... I think it's called Norway? That was one of mine. I got an award for it.

Parkinson: This must be a very exciting moment for you, fighting for the Christmas number one. How's it looking so far?
Billy Mack: Very bad indeed. Blue are outselling me five to one. But I'm hoping for a late surge. And if I reach number one, I promise to sing the song stark naked on TV on Christmas Eve.
Parkinson: Do you mean that?
Billy Mack: Well of course I mean it. Do you want a preview? You old flirt.

DJ: Well. Thanks for that, Bill.
Billy Mack: For what?
DJ: Well, for actually giving a real answer to a question. Doesn't often happen here on "Radio Watford" I can tell you.
Billy Mack: Ask me anything you like, I'll tell you the truth.
DJ: Uh... Best shag you've ever had?
Billy Mack: Britney Spears.
DJ: Wow!
Billy Mack: No, only kidding. She was rubbish.

Billy Mack: Hiya kids. Here is an important message from your Uncle Bill. Don't buy drugs. Become a pop star, and they give you them for free.

Dec: Billy, I believe you've brought a prize for our competition winners.
Billy Mack: Yes I have, Ant or Dec. It's a personalised felt tip pen.

Davy Jones: 100 souls. 3 days.
Jack Sparrow: You're a diamond mate. Send me back the boy, I'll get started right off.
Jones: I keep the boy. A good faith payment. That leaves you only 99 more to go.
Jack: Have you not met Will Turner? He's noble, heroic, terrific soprano! Worth at least four. Maybe 3 and a half. And did I happen to mention? He's in love with a girl. Due to be married. Betrothed. Dividing him from her and her from him would only be half as cruel as actually allowing tham to be joined together in holy matrimony, eh?
Jones: I keep the boy. 99 souls. But I wonder, Sparrow, can you live with this? Can you condemn an innocent man, a friend, to a life time of servitude in your name while you roam free?
Jack: Yep. I'm good with it. So do we seal in blood? Or ink?
Jones: 3 days.

Ambrose Hilliard: You and me given opportunities only because young men are gone. But to turn or back on those opportunities, wouldn't that be giving death dominion over life?

Janosh: We have all heard the stories. Look into his eyes! They are true! This place is cursed! They are no more human than the devils that invade our lands.
Viktor: If devils you call us, rest assured, better the devil you know.

Viktor: Killing me won't save your precious Lycan.
Sonja: I do no wish to kill you father. There is another way. Please, call off your men for the sake of your grandchild.

Viktor: You betrayed me! To be with an animal!
Sonja: I love him, father.

Parrot: I love you, Mr Maynard.
Victor Maynard: What the fuck?

Rose: It's like everywhere you go, there's that smell.
Victor Maynard: What smell?
Rose: Cleanliness. Bleach. It's like being in a hospital. It's so safe, it's dangerous. I can't breathe here. I mean it, I'm frightened. I'm frightened if I stay here much longer, I'll end up like you. Afraid of everything.

Victor Maynard: My name is Victor Maynard, and I am 54 years old and I work as a professional killer.