Michael James: I'll be back tomorrow. If I'm not back tomorrow, send for the police. If they're not back tomorrow, send my clothes.
Michael James: Pussycat from the sky, I can't resist you.
Rita: Don't resist. Capitulate.
Renee Lefebvre: When the light hits him a certain way, he's almost handsome.
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: When did all this come to an end?
Michael James: It didn't come to an end! That's the point.
Victor Skakapopulis: I just burnt my finger! I'm going to go in the bathroom and scream. I'll be out in a minute.
Michael James: Could you tell me about your typical clientele?
Etienne: My typical clientele?
Michael James: Typical.
Etienne: All the people who are here now are typical clientele.
Michael James: Really?
Etienne: There is a man cheating on his wife in room Lola Montez. There is a woman cheating on her two husbands in Carlotta. Two lovers of indeterminate sex in Reine Margot. And two men cheating in Don Juan.
Michael James: Yes. Well, one might say the joint is jumping.
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: You'll like this group analysis, it's a real freak show. If it gets dull, we sing songs.
Anna Fassbender: Is she prettier than me?
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Is she prettier than you? I'M prettier than you.
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: I am a doctor of the mind.
Victor Skakapopulis: Really?
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Yes.
Victor Skakapopulis: I have terrible emotional problems. Could you help me?
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: You certainly picked a very odd time to ask me, just in the middle of a suicide.
Michael James: Did you find a job?
Victor Skakapopulis: Yeah, I got something at the striptease. I help the girls dress and undress.
Michael James: Nice job.
Victor Skakapopulis: Twenty francs a week.
Michael James: Not very much.
Victor Skakapopulis: It's all I can afford.
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: My wife, the creature that ate Europe, is here.
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: If it fails, then we'll try something else, because I use all kinds of unorthodox methods. For example, I've had the greatest success shutting people in dark closets.
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: My father, the most beloved gynecologist in Vienna, before they took him away on a morals charge for indecent exposure at the State Opera House, said, and I quote: "Please do not take me away, I will not do it again."
Victor Skakapopulis: Brilliant quote.
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: He was a brilliant pervert.
