Murder By Death (1976)

Jamesir Bensonmum: She murdered herself in her sleep, sir.
Dick Charleston: You mean suicide?
Jamesir Bensonmum: Oh no, it was murder, all right. Mrs. Twain hated herself.

Tess Skeffington: He was arrested in 1932 in Chicago for selling pornographic Bibles. The D.A. couldn't make the charge stick when the church refused to turn over the Bibles.

Lionel Twain: I'm the greatest, I'm number one.
Sam Diamond: To me, you look like number two, know what I mean?
Dora Charleston: What does he mean, Miss Skeffington?
Tess Skeffington: I'll tell you later. It's disgusting.

Tess Skeffington: Twain picked up Sam in a gay bar.
Sam Diamond: I was working on a case! Working.
Tess Skeffington: Every night for six months?

Lionel Twain: That drives me crazy.
Sam Diamond: Sounds like a short ride to me.

Lionel Twain: How do I look so young? Quite simple. A complete vegetable diet, twelve hours sleep a night, and lots and lots of makeup.

Sam Diamond: I never did nothin' to a man that I wouldn't do to a woman.

Tess Skeffington: I don't feel good about this, Sam. Maybe tonight's the night your luck runs out.
Sam Diamond: Maybe so. There's a number on the wall for all of us, angel, and if tonight's the night they pick mine, so be it. After you, sweetheart.

Milo Perrier: No, no, it's all right. My wine is not poisoned. It was just a bad year.

Jamesir Bensonmum: Tell me, as the only survivor, how did you deduce it was me?
Sidney Wang: Went back to theory seldom used today: Butler did it.

Sam Diamond: You say you know who's going to get it?
Lionel Twain: Intimately.
Inspector Milo Perrier: And you know how the crime is to be committed?
Lionel Twain: Definitely.
Sidney Wang: And exactly what time murder to take place?
Lionel Twain: The murder. Precisely.
Dora Charleston: Well, I know it's none of my business, but doesn't that mean that you're the murderer, Mr. Twain?

Willie Wang: Why do I do all the dirty work, Pop?
Sidney Wang: 'Cause your mother not here to do it.

Sidney Wang: Big house like man married to fat woman: hard to get around.

Tess Skeffington: Sam, why do you keep all those naked muscle men magazines in your office?
Sam Diamond: Suspects. Always looking for suspects.

Dick Charleston: How lovely dear! We're in Wang's wing.

Jessica Marbles: I smell gas.
Miss Withers: I can't help it, I'm old.
Jessica Marbles: No, not that kind of gas. The kind that kills.
Miss Withers: Well, sometimes my gas.

Tess Skeffington: I'm scared, Sam. Hold me.
Sam Diamond: Hold yourself. I'm busy.

Sidney Wang: It is late, and my eyes are getting tired.
Sam Diamond: I thought they always looked like that.
Jessica Marbles: Knock it off, Sam.
Sam Diamond: I apologize. This case is getting to me. I'm sorry, Slanty.
Sidney Wang: Um... thank you.

Sidney Wang: Answer simple, but question very hard.

Sam Diamond: Maybe I'm just a patsy being set up take the fall, but I'm not falling for any o'yous, you understand?
Tess Skeffington: Not even me, Sam?
Sam Diamond: Why don't you fall in love with the Jap kid and get off my back?