Aunt Martha: For a gallon of elderberry wine, I take one teaspoon full of arsenic, then add half a teaspoon full of strychnine, and then just a pinch of cyanide.
Mortimer Brewster: Hmm. Should have quite a kick.
Mortimer Brewster: Look, you can't do things like that! Now, I don't know how I can explain this to you. But, it's not only against the law, its wrong.
Martha Brewster: Oh, piffle.
Mortimer Brewster: It's not a nice thing to do. People wouldn't understand. He wouldn't understand. What I mean is... Well... This is developing into a very bad habit.
Mortimer Brewster: You didn't want the reverend to see the body?
Aunt Abby: Well, not at tea. That wouldn't have been very nice.
Mortimer Brewster: When I come back, I expect to find you gone. Wait for me.
Dr. Einstein: You shouldn't have killed him. Just because he know something about us, what happens?
Jonathan Brewster: We come to him for help, and he tries to shake us down. Besides, he said I looked like Boris Karloff.
Mortimer Brewster: But there's a body in the window seat.
Aunt Abby: Yes, dear, we know.
Mortimer Brewster: You know?
Martha Brewster: Of course.
Aunt Abby: Yes, but it has nothing to do with Teddy. Now, Mortimer, you just forget about it. Forget you ever saw the gentleman.
Mortimer Brewster: Forget?
Aunt Abby: We never dreamed you'd peek.
Mortimer Brewster: What the...?
Mortimer Brewster: Now look, darling, how did he die?
Abby Brewster: Oh, Mortimer, don't be so inquisitive. The gentleman died because he drank some wine with poison in it.
Mortimer Brewster: Well, how did the poison get in the wine?
Martha Brewster: Well, we put in wine because it's less noticeable. When it's in tea it has a distinct odor.
Dr. Einstein: Where am I? Oh, here I am.
Mortimer Brewster: All I did was cross the bridge and I was in Brooklyn. Amazing.
Martha Brewster: Are you leaving, Doctor?
Dr. Einstein: Yes, please.
Elaine Harper: But Mortimer, you're going to love me for my mind, too.
Mortimer Brewster: One thing at a time.
Mortimer Brewster: Mr. President, may I have the pleasure of presenting.
Teddy Brewster: Doctor Livingston?
Dr. Gilchrist: Livingstone?
Mortimer Brewster: Uh, well, that's what he presumes.
Mortimer Brewster: Even the cat's in on it.
Reverend Harper: Have you ever tried to persuade him that he wasn't Teddy Roosevelt?
Abby Brewster: Oh, no.
Martha Brewster: Oh, he's so happy being Teddy Roosevelt.
Abby Brewster: Oh... Do you remember, Martha, once, a long time ago, we thought if he'd be George Washington, it might be a change for him, and we suggested it.
Martha Brewster: And do you know what happened? He just stayed under his bed for days and wouldn't be anybody.
Teddy Brewster: Yes, Doctor, I'll run for a third term, but I won't be elected. That will be the last of the Roosevelts in the White House.
Dr. Gilchrist: That's what you think.
Mortimer Brewster: What is this? Did everybody in Brooklyn know I was going to get married except me?
Martha Brewster: We knew you'd find out about it in time.
Cab Driver: Hey, you! Five more bucks and you'll own it.
Mortimer Brewster: Oh, no thanks! It wouldn't fit me.
