Chris Knight: Do you mind if I name my first child after you? "Dipshit Knight" has a nice ring to it.
Mitch: You know, um, something strange happened to me this morning.
Chris Knight: Was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?
Mitch: No.
Chris Knight: Why am I the only one who has that dream?
Old Lady: Tell me, what's Einstein really like?
Professor Hathaway: Dead.
Dr. Dodd: Why is that toy on your head?
Chris Knight: Because if I wear it any place else, it chafes.
Bodie: Well, I guess it goes from God, to Jerry, to you... to the cleaners. Right, Kent?
Professor Hathaway: Mitch, there's something you need to know. Compared to you, most people have the IQ of a carrot.
Professor Hathaway: I want to see more of you around the lab.
Chris Knight: Fine. I'll gain weight.
Professor Hathaway: You still run?
Chris Knight: Only when chased.
Chris Knight: Would you prepared if gravity reversed itself? The only thing I can't figure out is how to keep the change in my pockets. I've got it. Nudity.
Mitch: What are you doing?
Chris Knight: Self-realization. I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, " I drank what?"
Chris Knight: You see Mitch, I used to be you. And lately I've been missing me so I asked Dr. Hathaway if I could room with me again and he said sure.
Chris Knight: Oh, Kent, that is so unfair! And we were going to make you King of the Winter Carnival.
Kent: Really?
Chris Knight: Would you qualify that as a launch problem or a design problem?
Professor Hathaway: When you first started at Pacific Tech you were well on your way to becoming another Einstein and then you know what happened?
Chris Knight: I got a haircut?
Chris Knight: You unbelievable bastard.
Professor Hathaway: Count on it.
Chris Knight: Look at it this way. Considering the type of people you are and the environment you're in, you have to admit the strong possibility this may be the only chance you ever have in your entire lives... to have sex.
Chris Knight: Have you ever seen a body like this before in your life?
David Decker: She happens to be my daughter.
Chris Knight: Oh. Then I guess you have.
Mitch: He lied to us.
Chris Knight: It's easy to lie to you, Mitch. You trust people. I'm a cynic.
Chris Knight: You didn't touch anything, did you?
Mitch: No.
Chris Knight: Good. Because all of my filth is arranged in alphabetical order. This, for instance, is under 'H' for "toy."
Mitch: What is it?
Chris Knight: It's a penis stretcher. Do you want to try it?
Mitch: No.
Chris Knight: I'm just kidding. It's yet another in a long series of diversions in an attempt to avoid responsibility.
Professor Hathaway: Mitch, will you miss your friends?
Mitch: Well, no. I think I intimidate other kids.
Professor Hathaway: Good boy.
