Helen: Some people smoke pot, some people bungee jump, some people chant. What do you do to be happy?
Jessica: Nothing. I'm not.
Ed Crane: And through it all, we cut the hair.
Admiral Reigart: Let's go get our boy back.
Mordechai Anielewicz: Can a moral man, that's me, maintain his moral code in an immoral world?
Mrs. Berman: What do you think, Elwood? Do you like the new chair?
Ray Elwood: Can you sit on it, ma'am?
Mrs. Berman: No, of course you can't sit on it, it's an antique.
Ray Elwood: Oh, well, it's very nice.
Officer on radio: Suspect is heading towards the uvula. Repeat, heading towards the uvula.
Osmosis Jones: What the heck is a u-vala?
Drix: It's that little dangly thing that hangs down in Frank's...
Osmosis Jones: Boxer shorts! OK, here we go!
Drix: Not that little dangly thing! The one in his throat!
Osmosis Jones: I knew that, I knew that.
Sam: OK, remember when Paul McCartney wrote the song "Michelle" and then he only wrote the first part, Annie said. And then he gave that part to John Lennon, and he wrote the part that said, "I love you, I love you, I love you." And Annie said that it wouldn't have been the same song without that... and that's why the whole world cried when the Beatles broke up on April 10, 1970.
Ken Cosgrove: How's it going?
Building 20 Guard: Big night. Switched from tea to coffee. Brought new meaning to my work.
Jack: I thought I was disconnected from everything, for a long time I'd been leading an unstable, risky life. I'd hung out with all sorts of people, nothing could shock me anymore. I was not impressed by the unexpected, I'd always been able to handle it. That night however, when I saw Claire again, I just fell to pieces. I thought I'd managed to forget her, I'd overcome the pain and remorse which made me want to see her again.
Darby Reese: Beau-Beau, she's a mother, not a moron.
Nathan Conrad: Does she have a new hiding place that I don't know about?
Aggie Conrad: Probably... she's been running around the house like a wild cat all week.
Ted: We're all time's captives, hostages to eternity.
Bobby: Ben Jonson?
Ted: No, Boris Pasternak. He was a Russian of no account, I think.
Ernest Gordon: Lt. Jim Reardon, Merchant Marine, one of the few Americans in the area, attached himself to the Argyles during the Allied surrender. We called him "Yanker," because he was an American - and a bit of a wanker.
Doctor Blaschke: It was hard, Mr. Sláma, to be a German and not be proud.
Ian: You know when you're with someone there's only a very short time when you can really give each other things for free... with neither of you having to ask. Because later on all you do is make demands of each other. Perhaps the only difference between her and all the rest is that she's asking you for nothing.
Dr. Haverston: There is no grade on this kind of test.