Chris Kenner: I liked that car. And I liked that girl. And I'd like to cut off certain parts of Yoshida's anatomy.
Johnny Murata: Ya know, you've got a fixation, pal.
Ethan O'Fallon: Now look, Hallie, you can ask for toys, parakeets, hair care products, I don't care. But you may not ask for anything to do with interpersonal relationships! Got it? This is Santa Claus, not Dear Abby.
Dutch: You might be the toughest little whacker at the junior high but in my world, you're about as worrisome as a cloudy day.
Victor Geddes: My mother said, "You don't have to like everything, but you have to try everything."
Hilary O'Neil: Oh, my mother always said, "Pass the Velveeta."
Celeste Talbert: I didn't know it was your drainpipe, I thought it was somebody else's drainpipe.
Jeffrey Anderson: Your eyes, they're burning.
Celeste Talbert: I've got the flu.
Jeffrey Anderson: No, they're burning with passion.
Celeste Talbert: You're full of shit.
Jeffrey Anderson: Of course I'm full of shit but not about that.
Driver: If there's no room at the Hotel Genius, I'll take a room at the Hotel Imbecile.
Jessica: What's wrong, Mr. Turner?
Henry: I had enough, so I said when.
Jessica: Good for you.
Princess: I must go with the bear.
King of the winterland: Damn that bear.
Jim Morrison: You're all a bunch of fuckin' slaves! How much longer are you gonna let them push you around?
Daddy: Put your damn tit back in your dress. Replace that tit.
George Kuffs: I got women to do, places to see.
Gates: I got a proposition for ya.
Hudson Hawk: Answer's "no," Gates... Even if you bathe.
Tong Po: You're the weakest of all the Sloans.
Jack Conroy: Is there any good reason why we can't just bury him here? I don't think he'll know the difference.
Alex Larson: I gave him my word.
Parry: C'mon, Jack, what do you think the Crusades were? A Pope's publicity stunt?
Daniel: They have an afterworld of their own.
Father Laforgue: They have no concept of one.
Daniel: Annuka told me they believe that in the forest at night the dead can see. The souls of men hunt the souls of animals.
Father Laforgue: Is that what she told you? It is childish, Daniel.
Daniel: Is it harder to believe in than Paradise where we all sit on clouds and look at God?
Wong Fei Hung: Why so many swords and daggers on the table?
Jack Gable: What are you doing here? I sent you to Cleveland.
Jack Gates: I should kill you for that alone.