Mason Storm: So, how come you're not watching the Oscars tonight?
Counterman: The Oscars?
Mason Storm: Yeah, the Oscars.
Counterman: I hate the Oscars.
Mason Storm: You're not having a good time, huh?
Counterman: I mean, who needs the goddamn movies anyway? I got a show in here every single night.
Mason Storm: Yeah?
Counterman: You've got horror, sex, freaks, violence. I don't got to pay no four bucks either.
Jackie Flannery: They don't even want to call it "Hell's Kitchen" no more. Renamed it "Clinton." Sounds like a fucking steamboat.
Young Winnie: Hey! Hey, Fellatio! Got a match? Well, I do! Your face and my ass! Your breath made of buffalo farts.
David Labraccio: Do I know you?
Young Winnie: You don't know jack-shit! Butt-wipe! Needle-dick! Cock-bite! Jack-off! Limp-wrist! Corn-hole! Banana-breath! Shit-bird! Bird-turd! Turd-face! Kiss-ass! Brown-nose! Macho wimp! Limp dick! Fart-face! Tire merchant! What's the matter? Gonna cry? Come on, Crybaby Davie! Cry! Cry! Cry! Shit-face! Rat-turd! Ass-licking son of a bitch.
Reggie Hammond: Let me tell you something, Jack. If shit was worth something, poor people would be born with no asshole.
Ralph: Face it Jack, you fucked up! We could've been rescued.
Jack Merridew: Back off man! I'm sick of your shit and so is my gang.
Ralph: Your gang. What's that supposed to mean?
Jack Merridew: What it means colonel, that no ones good for you and stop trying to run everything.
Susan Riley: I can't let someone out on the street with a gun that has emotional problems.
Graham Marshall: My father had it all figured out. He was a London bus driver. And when I was a boy, he used to take me over the river to Mayfair, where the rich people lived. And he used to say to me, "Son - there is no heaven. Here is the closest you will ever get. Life, here, is sweet. Life, back over there, is hard. So live over here, son!"
Justin: Don't you ever run away from me.
David Ackerman: You fucking lied to Garcia.
Nick Pulovski: I didn't lie to him. I just didn't tell him the truth.
Rick Jarmin: I haven't had a girlfriend for 5 years.
Marianne Graves: Really?
Rick: Yeah - Mr. Wiggly's been on bread and water for 5 years.
Army Officer: Mr. Singer. What an appropriate name for a man who can't keep his mouth shut.
Pismo Boll: It's only a matter of time... get in bed with the devil... sooner or later you have to fuck.
Nicholas: This guy's lying - he's a train robber.
Caulfield: What would I want with a train?
Frank Sutton: So you're a tough guy, huh?
Harry Madox: No, you're the tough guy. I'm worse.
F-18 Pilot: Everything's shit duty today.
Jerry Manley: So how long will it take us to get back to camp?
Doctor James Atherton: What's the matter? You still worried about dinosaurs?
Caroline: Are you in love?
Mary: Well, I... I do love him, I suppose. Not quite like when we first met. I trust him, really. He's my closest friend. But, what do you mean by in-love?
Caroline: I mean that you'd do absolutely anything for the other person, and you'd let them do absolutely anything to you. Anything.
Mary: Anything?
Miss Schlowski: Your teacher, Miss O'Hara, had to go somewhere.
Dominic: Where'd she go?
Miss Schlowski: That doesn't matter.
Lowell: Did she die?
Miss Schlowski: No, Lowell, she went to see someone.
Lowell: Did they die?
Miss Schlowski: No, Lowell.
Lowell: Everyone dies, you know.
Lilly Dillon: I gave you your life twice. I'm asking you to give me mine once.