Brian Hope: Look Charlie, some con men sell life insurance. The church sells afterlife insurance. It's brilliant! Everyone thinks you might need it, and no-one can prove you don't.
Charlie McManus: The church isn't selling anything, Brian.
Brian Hope: Oh! Well, if the church isn't selling anything how did it get to be so rich? Just remember, wherever there's a deep human need there's money to be made.
Charlie McManus: You think so?
Brian Hope: Of course, look at Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Rosalie Boca: We didn't do it. I swear to God we didn't. We found him outside, on the lawn.
Devo Nod: ...Right outside.
Rosalie Boca: ...He was lying there, someone had shot him, and thrown him on the lawn.
Nadja: Yeah, it was a mess.
Rosalie Boca: ...It was terrible. So we brought him inside and we... we put him in bed... and... yep... It must have been the Mafia.
Lt. Larry Schooner: Mafia?
Devo Nod: The Mafia.
Nadja: Yeah. Joey was Italian.
Rosalie Boca: He is Italian.
Devo Nod: He is Italian.
Lilly Dillon: I gave you your life twice. I'm asking you to give me mine once.
Frank Sutton: So you're a tough guy, huh?
Harry Madox: No, you're the tough guy. I'm worse.
Turkell: It must be visiting hours, 'cause my friend is back.
Lieutenant Laker: He was your superior, wasn't he?
Graham Marshall: No, he was my boss.
Huey Walker: You know, Buckner, if it hadn't've been for you, I'd be in a warm cell right now.
John Buckner: Yeah, being beaten by a nice, warm, rubber hose.
Joseph: Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina.
Detective John Kimble: Thanks for the tip.
Susie Waggoner: ...And you save your money... and buy a nice little house, with a white picket fence, and live happily ever after.
Frederick J. Frenger Jr.: Tell you what. Let's go straight to the "happily ever after" part, OK?
Chief Rotzinger: Listen, I've had just about enough of your comedy, clown. We're coming in through the plate glass.
Grimm: Alright, I gotta hang-up now, because I gotta go kill everybody.
Mike Medwicki: Maybe if you could... you could try and find your mom?
Amanda Sue Bradley: My mom? She threw me away. She threw me away.
Christian 'The Sandman' Naylor: Welcome to Hell.
Molly: ...you have no respect for women.
Joey: I guess dinner and a blow job's out of the question.
Molly: I guess.
Joey: We'll forget dinner.
Bob Ray Lemon: Marietta tells me you been tryin to fuck her in the toilet for the past ten minutes... How 'bout that, tryin to fuck your girl's mama... Tell me, what's that little cunt Lula think about that?
Sailor: Uh-oh.
David Ackerman: You fucking lied to Garcia.
Nick Pulovski: I didn't lie to him. I just didn't tell him the truth.
General Taylor: Let me tell you about your contact. Cota killed her husband in front of her, then he killed her baby and used the corpse to smuggle cocaine, then he raped her. I wouldn't mention any of this when you meet her-she's probably still a little touchy about it.
Colonel Scot McCoy: Probably.
Amy Wallace: You know all your friends from the force? You don't have them anymore.
Carmine Sabatini: I'm getting too old for this nonsense.
