Red Webster: Don't ever marry an ugly woman. Just sucks the life right out of you.
Lady Tanaka: Who sent you?
The Punisher: Batman.
Richie Vento: Yeah, get me Hollycourt 55377. Hello, it's Daddy. Hey, darling. Put Mommy on the phone. Yeah, Barbara, it's Richie. Yeah lookit, I ain't never coming home no more. Take it easy.
[Woman checks the back pockets of Wally's pants for the coin.]
Wally: I don't know what you're looking for, but it's a little to the right.
Virgil Cane: Ain't life a motherfucker.
Hamilton "Ham" Johnson: So tragic when this happens to somebody so young and healthy. Was she feeling all right last night?
Fletch: She felt great to me.
Rudd: Now we DO have a serious diplomatic situation here, which I will be taking up with your state department first thing in the morning.
Riggs: Whoa, you got me quakin' in my boots, but I'm still gonna bring you down.
Rudd: My dear officer, you could not even give me a parking ticket!
Nick Conklin: Now, you got a counterfeiting ring goin' on and you should talk to your partner before you go to the suits. So fuck you very much.
Jerry Beck: I'm telling you something's going on here. I'm telling you something big is happening here, and all that grabs you is my language? What the fuck is the matter with you?
Dooley: Alright, let's get one thing straight: The woman is mine! Now we're both members of the animal kingdom. You know that and I know that. And we both know that this thing is really primal. So if you think you're such a badass you just try that one more time and you're gonna end up in a pet cemetary! You remember the movie Old Yeller? You remember when they shot him in the end? I didn't cry! Now come on.
Rick: Jesus, Bob, you never told us anything about not mentioning dogs.
Bob: The reason nobody mentioned dogs, Rick, is that to mention the dog would have been a hex in itself.
Rick: All right, well, now we are on the subject, are there an other stupid things we aren't supposed to mention that will affect our future?
Joe (Cantonese) /Jeffrey (English): I always leave one bullet, either for myself or for my enemy.
Ray Tango: I think that with your IQ, you're unarmed and still very dangerous.
Lawrence Isabella: I've heard a lot about you.
Joey Rosselini: Yeah? Good things, I hope.
Captain Meissner: Convict... two things. One - I am Meissner. Two - Never fuck with Meissner. Inside.
Franz Sanchez: In this business, there's a lot of cash. And a lot of people with their hands out.
Kwang: In a word... bribery.
Franz Sanchez: Exactly. He took the words right out of my pocket.
Det. Frank Keller: Come the wet ass hour, I'm EVERYBODY'S daddy.
Captain Harris: Proctor! You have been singing Christmas songs for the entire five hours of this stakeout. And Christmas is a good four months away. If you sing so much as one more note... I will shoot you.
Barbara: You told me it's been plutonic a year. And I say, once the sex goes, it all goes.
Cliff Stern: It's true. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.