Dynamo: Thought it was pretty funny out there in the zone. What's the matter now, bitch? Why aren't you laughing?
Amber: Because there's nothing funny about a dickless moron with a battery up his ass.
Computer: This ship will self-destruct in exactly ten seconds. Counting down. Ten, nine, eight, six.
President Skroob: Six? What happened to seven?
Computer: Just kidding.
Hitchhiker: Thanks for the ride, lady.
Jack Putter: We've got the chip.
Lt. Tuck Pendleton: All right.
Jack Putter: We're on the way to the lab.
Lt. Tuck Pendleton: All right.
Jack Putter: But I think they put someone in there with you.
Lt. Tuck Pendleton: All... what?
Lex Luthor: Lenny, I've always considered you the Dutch Elm disease in my family tree.
Words on computer screen: You will not be saved by the holy ghost. You will not be saved by the god Plutonium. In fact, you will not be saved.
Pirate 1: Help yourself, mates. A chest full of video discs.
Pirate 2: No.
Pirate 3: What good are they?
Pirate 4: Can't record on 'em.
Pirate 2: They're not compatible with my system.
Greg Hutchins: You look like you got both eyes coming out of the same hole.
Pamela: It's old and depressing.
Mason: It's reality.
Pamela: This is the '80s! Nobody likes reality any more.
Tom Beck: What the hell is that?
Sanchez: A flame-thrower man, can you believe it? Patrol picked this up off some homeboy on the street.
Jimmy Garrett: A human pilot would react differently, because a human pilot would know that he's going to die.
Foul Phil - Suit: My tummy hurts.
Greaser Greg - Suit: What did you eat?
Foul Phil - Suit: Everything.
Greaser Greg - Suit: That makes sense.
George Jetson: That's grass. I read about it in ancient history.
Teri Marshall: Please don't hurt her.