Inigo Montoya: Who are you?
Westley: No one of consequence.
Inigo Montoya: I must know.
Westley: Get used to disappointment.
Inigo Montoya: Okay.
Computer: This ship will self-destruct in exactly ten seconds. Counting down. Ten, nine, eight, six.
President Skroob: Six? What happened to seven?
Computer: Just kidding.
Daryl: Don't touch it! It could get infected, Jesus! He could get anything - Tetanus, rabies, scabies, emphysema.
Miss Rebecca Miller: David, are you drunk?
Jack Putter: We've got the chip.
Lt. Tuck Pendleton: All right.
Jack Putter: We're on the way to the lab.
Lt. Tuck Pendleton: All right.
Jack Putter: But I think they put someone in there with you.
Lt. Tuck Pendleton: All... what?
State Trooper: What the hell are you driving here?
Del: We had a small fire last night, but we caught it in the nick of time.
State Trooper: Do you have any idea how fast you were going?
Del: Funny enough, I was just talking to my friend about that. Our speedometer has melted and as a result it's very hard to see with any degree of accuracy exactly how fast we were going.
Black and White TV: A bargain in every buck! A buck in every pocket! A pocket in... um... every trouser! Ernie's Bargain Circus, where you ride the Ferris Wheel of Values for a better tomorrow.
Lex Luthor: Lenny, I've always considered you the Dutch Elm disease in my family tree.
H.I.: Sometimes it's a hard world for small things.
Foul Phil - Suit: My tummy hurts.
Greaser Greg - Suit: What did you eat?
Foul Phil - Suit: Everything.
Greaser Greg - Suit: That makes sense.
James Bond: There are a few things I'd like to check out first, sir. That sniper, for instance.
M: Yes. I've read Saunders report. You jeopardized the entire mission to avoid shooting a beautiful girl.
James Bond: Not exactly, sir. I took a split second decision. It was instinct.