Jake Wise: Look, I was a bit of an asshole. You know, I got crazy and I popped her a few times, she came after me with a knife. Just missed my balls.
Terry Brogan: And was she going for them?
Jake Wise: Don't they all?
Danny Vermin: I enjoy collecting protection money, putting whores to work, loan-sharking. I enjoy planting bombs in people's cars. These are a few of my favorite things.
Johnny Dangerously: You know, Danny, I think you get too much sugar in your diet.
Allen: You know by the time I got there, she was already gone.
Freddie: Victoria left, huh?
Allen: Yeah. You know why she left Freddie? Because I didn't love her.
Freddie: That bitch.
Walter Curnow: I feel so stupid. How do you say, 'stupid'?
Maxim Brajlovsky: Durak.
Walter Curnow: That's me.
Maxim Brajlovsky: You shouldn't feel like that. The same thing happened to me the first time I did this.
Walter Curnow: When have you ever done this before?
Maxim Brajlovsky: Never.
Irv Manders: You men are tresspassin. Show me a warrant or get off my land.
Agent: We don't need a warrant.
Irv Manders: You do unless I woke up in Russia this morning.
Apollonia: Will you help me?
The Kid: No.
Apollonia: Pardon me?
The Kid: Nope... Wanna know why?
Apollonia: Nope.
The Kid: Because you wouldn't pass the initiation.
Apollonia: What initiation?
The Kid: Well, for starters, you have to purify yourself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka.
Apollonia: What?
The Kid: You have to purify yourself in Lake Minnetonka.
[She strips down, and runs towards the lake.]
The Kid: Hey! Wait a minute! That's...
[She jumps in. She gets out shivering.]
The Kid: Uh, hold it...
Apollonia: What?
The Kid: That ain't Lake Minnetonka.
SOD McKinley: I don't give a flying handshake what your name is.
Bill the Frog: How about this? Ocean Breeze Soap: It's just like taking an ocean cruise, only there's no boat and you don't actually go anywhere.
Holly Body: I do not do animal acts. I do not do S&M or any variations of that particular bent, no water sports either. I will not shave my pussy, no fistfucking and absolutely no coming in my face. I get $2000 a day and I do not work without a contract.
Possum: Right on my biscuit.
Matthew Hollis: Last night never happened.
Jennifer Lyons: I know. I was there when it didn't.
Roy Hobbs: Pick me out a winner Bobby.
Fenderbaum: I been called a lot of things but I ain't never been called no commie.
Blake: I ain't even a Democrat.
O'Brien: If you want a vision of the future, Winston, imagine a boot stamping on a human face forever.
Teddy Pierce: While Didi was waiting for me in San Francisco, Charlotte was waiting in Los Angeles. Two women waiting for me in the middle of the night. Crazy as it seems, I had adventure in my life.