Victor Frankenstein: People are weird.
Vladimir Ivanoff: In Moscow we fought for an inch of freedom! Here you take it and pour shit all over it.
Squirrel Murphy: Now that's a girl I could take advantage of.
Samantha Belmont: So did you make it with him last night?
Regina Belmont: Who?
Samantha Belmont: The Good Humor man, who do you think?
Regina Belmont: Geez, is that what's bugging you?
Samantha Belmont: That's no answer, man.
Regina Belmont: No I didn't make it with him last night. Why are you so weirded out?
Samantha Belmont: Oh right Reg, why should I be weirded out? My sister, who swiped every guy I ever had my eye on, has now swiped the last guy in the whole freaked out world.
The Devil: I love to scare the hell out of people.
Sir Gawain: I forgot to ask one question during my quick initiation into knighthood.
Humphrey: Oh? What's that?
Sir Gawain: How to relieve myself in this tin suit.
Stan Gable: Times are changing, Betty. These nerds are a threat to our way of life.
Betty Childs: If they win the Homecoming Carnival, they'll be able to take over the Greek Council.
Stan Gable: Yeah. And we'll be up to our asses in nerd shit.
Zeno: I hope no-one minds but I have no intention of facing this sober.
Ninfa, Whore at Marguerita's: I am the best French kisser in Chile Verde.
Abel Wood: If I come across a Frenchman, I'll be sure to let him know.
Henry 'Hopper' Nash/Lou: Tyrone Power never said fuck 'em.
Frank: Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, we are the entertainment for this afternoon. Now on the shotgun we've got my man Leroy. And on the cash register, we've got that magic fingers Rico.
Rico: That's me.
Frank: And last but not least, yours truely, Frank, on the stick.
Willie: It's just a moment. We're here. Then we're not here. We're somewhere else... maybe. And it's as natural as breathing. Why should we be scared?
Warren Evans: My girl Melanie just left me.
Larry Hubbard: What'd she leave you for?
Warren Evans: She came home last night, found some guy robbing her apartment. They just hit it off.
Larry Hubbard: Gee, that sounds tough.
Warren Evans: It was tough. It's probably for the best. She's really started to let herself go. Drank a lot, never bathed, fat.
Larry Hubbard: Hey, don't worry. You'll meet another girl.
Warren Evans: Not like Melanie.
Bernice: What you want for dinner?
Odell: You mean, what do I want, or what do I want that you can cook?
Bernice: Well, in that case, where are you taking me?
Odell: Yeah, what do you want to have?
Bernice: You mean, what do I want, or what do I want that you can afford?
Dr. Donna Burke: Just what the hell are you guys running here, a gd zoo? I'm in the middle of a fundraiser breakfast when I'm informed that your school psychologist has flipped out in the middle of your gd office. And, then I get here and find out that there has been a stabbing, and if that's not enough, one of your kids tries to eat one of your gd teachers. Mr. Rubell, what the hell do you call that?
Roger Rubell: Monday.