Victor Frankenstein: People are weird.
Vladimir Ivanoff: In Moscow we fought for an inch of freedom! Here you take it and pour shit all over it.
Squirrel Murphy: Now that's a girl I could take advantage of.
Samantha Belmont: So did you make it with him last night?
Regina Belmont: Who?
Samantha Belmont: The Good Humor man, who do you think?
Regina Belmont: Geez, is that what's bugging you?
Samantha Belmont: That's no answer, man.
Regina Belmont: No I didn't make it with him last night. Why are you so weirded out?
Samantha Belmont: Oh right Reg, why should I be weirded out? My sister, who swiped every guy I ever had my eye on, has now swiped the last guy in the whole freaked out world.
The Devil: I love to scare the hell out of people.
Sir Gawain: I forgot to ask one question during my quick initiation into knighthood.
Humphrey: Oh? What's that?
Sir Gawain: How to relieve myself in this tin suit.
Stan Gable: Times are changing, Betty. These nerds are a threat to our way of life.
Betty Childs: If they win the Homecoming Carnival, they'll be able to take over the Greek Council.
Stan Gable: Yeah. And we'll be up to our asses in nerd shit.
Larry Hubbard: What'd you have for lunch?
Warren Evans: Toast.
Larry Hubbard: White?
Warren Evans: Rye.
Larry Hubbard: Good?
Warren Evans: Yeah.
Larry Hubbard: Sounds good.
Zeno: I hope no-one minds but I have no intention of facing this sober.
Ninfa, Whore at Marguerita's: I am the best French kisser in Chile Verde.
Abel Wood: If I come across a Frenchman, I'll be sure to let him know.
Henry 'Hopper' Nash/Lou: Tyrone Power never said fuck 'em.
Willie: It's just a moment. We're here. Then we're not here. We're somewhere else... maybe. And it's as natural as breathing. Why should we be scared?
Leroy: All right everybody, drop your tacos or I'll blow your brains out.
Lucy Lane: All you need is a couple of streaks and your ears pierced. I could do it for you, it's easy. You just get a needle, heat it up, dab it with some alcohol, and zap! The guys go crazy.
Linda Lee: My ears what?
Lucy Lane: Pierced. Like and you know, I take a needle, and then I heat it up, dab it with some alcohol and, zap, all the guys go crazy.
Linda Lee: Because I have holes in my ears?
Lucy Lane: What, are you putting me on? Sometimes I can't figure you out, Linda.
Dr. Donna Burke: Just what the hell are you guys running here, a gd zoo? I'm in the middle of a fundraiser breakfast when I'm informed that your school psychologist has flipped out in the middle of your gd office. And, then I get here and find out that there has been a stabbing, and if that's not enough, one of your kids tries to eat one of your gd teachers. Mr. Rubell, what the hell do you call that?
Roger Rubell: Monday.
Phil: I mean, I didn't want to be like Ernie Banks. I wanted to be Ernie Banks.
Ed: Mr. Cub.
Phil: And it never really dawned on me that he was Black.
Ed: Wrist hitter.
Phil: I was, you know, seven years old. And he was just... Ernie Banks. He was my hero.
Ed: All in the wrists.
Phil: There weren't any Black people in my town. At least I don't think there were.
Ed: Mr. Cub.