Officer O'Clancy: No way, you're wasting your time.
Cigar Face: That's where you're wrong. YOU'RE wasting our time. And now we're gonna waste you.
Lucy Lane: All you need is a couple of streaks and your ears pierced. I could do it for you, it's easy. You just get a needle, heat it up, dab it with some alcohol, and zap! The guys go crazy.
Linda Lee: My ears what?
Lucy Lane: Pierced. Like and you know, I take a needle, and then I heat it up, dab it with some alcohol and, zap, all the guys go crazy.
Linda Lee: Because I have holes in my ears?
Lucy Lane: What, are you putting me on? Sometimes I can't figure you out, Linda.
Bernice: What you want for dinner?
Odell: You mean, what do I want, or what do I want that you can cook?
Bernice: Well, in that case, where are you taking me?
Odell: Yeah, what do you want to have?
Bernice: You mean, what do I want, or what do I want that you can afford?
Dr. Donna Burke: Just what the hell are you guys running here, a gd zoo? I'm in the middle of a fundraiser breakfast when I'm informed that your school psychologist has flipped out in the middle of your gd office. And, then I get here and find out that there has been a stabbing, and if that's not enough, one of your kids tries to eat one of your gd teachers. Mr. Rubell, what the hell do you call that?
Roger Rubell: Monday.
Nick De Angelo: Don't make this a personal thing, Colin.
Colin Gilchrist Fisher: But it is personal. Isn't it?
Victor Frankenstein: People are weird.
Vladimir Ivanoff: In Moscow we fought for an inch of freedom! Here you take it and pour shit all over it.
Squirrel Murphy: Now that's a girl I could take advantage of.
Samantha Belmont: So did you make it with him last night?
Regina Belmont: Who?
Samantha Belmont: The Good Humor man, who do you think?
Regina Belmont: Geez, is that what's bugging you?
Samantha Belmont: That's no answer, man.
Regina Belmont: No I didn't make it with him last night. Why are you so weirded out?
Samantha Belmont: Oh right Reg, why should I be weirded out? My sister, who swiped every guy I ever had my eye on, has now swiped the last guy in the whole freaked out world.
The Devil: I love to scare the hell out of people.
Sir Gawain: I forgot to ask one question during my quick initiation into knighthood.
Humphrey: Oh? What's that?
Sir Gawain: How to relieve myself in this tin suit.
Stan Gable: Times are changing, Betty. These nerds are a threat to our way of life.
Betty Childs: If they win the Homecoming Carnival, they'll be able to take over the Greek Council.
Stan Gable: Yeah. And we'll be up to our asses in nerd shit.
Henry 'Hopper' Nash/Lou: Tyrone Power never said fuck 'em.
Zeno: I hope no-one minds but I have no intention of facing this sober.
Larry Hubbard: Did you ever try, like, maybe swooping if over? You know how some guys grow their hair real long and then swoop it over. You can do a lot like that. You can get a pompadour and everything.
Warren Evans: My hair doesn't grow long enough to swoop it over. Besides, I think when you see a guy with his hair swooped over, you know he's doing it to cover up something.
Larry Hubbard: Yeah, if a guy has a lot of hair, he's not gonna swoop it over.
Ninfa, Whore at Marguerita's: I am the best French kisser in Chile Verde.
Abel Wood: If I come across a Frenchman, I'll be sure to let him know.