Kate Bingham: Can you imagine coming home, and your wife says she's leaving you for someone else, and you say, "Who, Phil?" and she says, "No. Phyllis."
Abel Marsh: Well, that's the ultimate put-down... to those of us who are normal heterosexuals.
Judge Roy Bean: The last time that bear ate a lawyer, he had the runs for thirty-three days.
K.C. Carr: But you can't just throw Hank on the dump heap after you've used him.
Burt Henry: What the hell you talking about, use him? We're all used! You, me, anybody on two legs! That's what it's all about. That's your American pie for you. You ought to know that by now.
The Queen: Kiss me quick.
The Fool: Yes... where is your quick?
Ogami Itto: You would've been happier if you'd chosen to join your mother in her world.
Mrs. Edson: Ain't it a shame how some of God's children have it so easy, while others have it so hard?
Mr. T: You know what's bothering me? Two things. One is I'm sorry that I can't sue you for false arrest. And the other is, there's no toilet paper in this cell.
Radio Newcaster (segment 1 "And All Through the House"): We interrupt this program for a special announcement. A man described as a homicidal maniac has escaped from the hospital for the criminally insane: he is 6 foot 3 inches tall, 210 pounds, dark eyes, bald, and may be wearing a Santa Claus costume taken from a shop in Burley. All residents of the county are warned to be on the lookout for this man, and to phone the police if they see him. We now continue our program of carols for Christmas.
Priest: Children's Land? Is that some sort of a fancy name for a lunatic asylum?
Douglass Dilman: When you justify murder in the name of morality, you've done nothing but murder your morality.
Inspector Trout: Phibes has finally failed, eh?
Darius Biederbeck: No, he's won!
Colonel: I didn't know that chivalry still existed in your semi-savage country.
Rafael Acosta: Sir, you just insulted the Republic of Miranda.
Colonel: I don't give a damn about the Republic of Miranda.
Rafael Acosta: And I shit on your entire army.