Announcer: Ape Management... Is in the hands of the apes.
Radio Newcaster (segment 1 "And All Through the House"): We interrupt this program for a special announcement. A man described as a homicidal maniac has escaped from the hospital for the criminally insane: he is 6 foot 3 inches tall, 210 pounds, dark eyes, bald, and may be wearing a Santa Claus costume taken from a shop in Burley. All residents of the county are warned to be on the lookout for this man, and to phone the police if they see him. We now continue our program of carols for Christmas.
Robert Rusk: I don't know if you know it, Babs, but you're my type of woman.
Douglass Dilman: When you justify murder in the name of morality, you've done nothing but murder your morality.
Sadie: Being in this house makes me wish I was a lady.
Colonel: I didn't know that chivalry still existed in your semi-savage country.
Rafael Acosta: Sir, you just insulted the Republic of Miranda.
Colonel: I don't give a damn about the Republic of Miranda.
Rafael Acosta: And I shit on your entire army.
Sheriff Aaron Whitaker: What's wrong with him?
Dr. Druten: He's had a fit.
Sheriff Aaron Whitaker: Doctor, you were third in your class. I never went to college. I knew he was having a fit when he started having it.
Tang Lung: Movement number 4: Dragon seeks path. Hi-yah!" (Tang kicks, knocking a hoodlum unconscious) "Dragon whips his tail.
Mr. Corcoran: Stay away from her. I don't hand out my daughter to newly weds.
Shaft: You might catch cold.
Rita: I suppose its immodest of me to walk around like this in front of a stranger. But, any enemy of John Kelly's, is an old friend of mine.
Winston Churchill: I'm free! I'm free! I'm Winston Bloody Churchill and I'm free.
Ogami Itto: The true way of the warrior means to live by death.
Jaime: This thing you call politics? Politics is bullshit.
Lucas: I was wondering what it was.
Mr. T: Yeah, my main squeeze! Give me some.
Angel: 20 years ago that would have been more truth than jive, baby.
Charlie Brown: Hmm, a letter to Snoopy. What a surprise. I never get any mail. I had 15 pen pals once, and they let me do all the writing.
Inspector Trout: But you haven't got a chance!
Sir Wayne Waverley: He'll chop you down like the rest of them!
Darius Biederbeck: I'm not like the rest of them! Phibes may put the fear of God in you, but not me. Now stay out of my way!
Leon Trotsky: It's hard living with an old revolutionary. You should have been with us when we stormed the Winter Palace! With Lenin in Moscow in the early days! What happiness to be alive - to be fighting then.
Dr. Prodd: Name, please?
Miss Smethurst: Smethurst.
Dr. Prodd: Oh yes, I have some good news for you, Mrs Smethurst.
Miss Smethurst: Miss Smethurst.
Dr. Prodd: Oh, in that case I have some bad news for you.
Wu: I was being used, have pity on me! Please, sir.
Chen: Have pity? Who had pity for Huo Yuan-Chia?