Narrator: Ladies and gentlemen, in view of the controversy already aroused, the producers of this film wish to re-emphasize what is already stated in the film, that there is no established scientific connection between Mongolism and psychotic or criminal behaviour.
Headmaster: Education in Britain is a nubile Cinderella: sparsely clad and much interfered with.
Dr. Ray Flemming: People don't always do the rational thing.
Lt. Columbo: Oh, they sure don't! You learn a lot about that in my line. Well, I guess you do in yours too.
Elizabeth: Spiders don't eat other spiders.
Virginia: Cannibal spiders do.
Cmdr. Ferraday: It wasn't sealing wax. It wasn't chewing gum. It was epoxy glue. And all of a sudden you know a whole damn lot about submarines.
David Jones: I know how to wreck them, and I know how to lie, steal, kidnap, counterfeit, suborn and kill. That's my job. I do it with great pride.
Juliet: Good night, good night. Parting is such sweet sorrow, That I shall say good night till it be morrow.
Gerald Hardcastle: Well, Ted, you can take it from me that in the entire history of this world no man never yet had any pleasure out of a woman without having to pay it for.
Dino Barran: Give me your word.
Franz Propp: I ain't got one.
Dino Barran: Give it to me anyway.
Franz Propp: Very well friend.
Custer: Is that Captain Reno bearing down on us?
Captain Myles Keogh: Oh, then you're acquainted?
Custer: Captain Reno never quite got over the fact that I followed him in West Point and now he follows me. The salt that really burns the wound is that I graduated 34th in a class of 34.
Pollicut: Pauline. A pleasure to see you. What can I do for you? Is there something you wanna buy?
Pauline: I didn't come to buy. I came to sell.
Pollicut: And what are you sellin'?
Pauline: Our house. It cost at least five thousand dollars. I'll give it to you for a thousand... 'cause you like cheap things.
Captain Tsuruhiko Kuroda: My log.
Finian McLonergan: America is full of millionaires.
Sharon McLonergan: But Father, are there no ill clad or ill housed in America?
Finian McLonergan: Aye, but they're the best ill clad and the best ill housed in the world.
Charly Gordon: I was wondering why the people who would never dream of laughing at a blind or a crippled man would laugh at a moron?
Mick: But, Mama... I wanna make something of myself, Mama. I got this feelin' inside me like I was destined for something.
Mrs. Kelly: We all have that feelin' when we are young. It will pass.
Mr. Kelly: Margaret, don't.
Mick: Well, I know it won't be easy, but without a high school diploma, what chance have I got?
Mrs. Kelly: The same chance I had. You'll meet some fella and get married. If you're lucky, you'll love him. You'll have kids. That's what life is, Mick. That's all it is.
Hrundi V. Bakshi: Do you speak Hindustani?
Michelle Monet: No.
Hrundi V. Bakshi: Well, you are not missing anything.
Empress Elizabeth: Do you know what he said to me the day he was married?"Mother, say a prayer for me." And I said "what prayer shall I make for you?" And he said "Pray to God that I should never fall in love."
Blue Meanie: Are you, er blueish? You don't look blueish.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: My face! You've stolen my face! Give me back my face, you fiend!
Captain Keene: Fire at will.
Brother Belcher: Poor old Will, why do they always fire at him?