Running Buffalo: Swell party, where's the whisky?
Mother in Diner: Why are they doing this? Why are they doing this? They said when you got here, the whole thing started. Who are you? What are you? Where did you come from? I think you're the cause of all this. I think you're evil. Evil!
Agrippa: Well versed in the natural sciences and mathematics. She speaks seven languages proficiently. Were she not a woman one would consider her to be an intellectual.
Gardiner Fraleigh: Call your baby! My wife's having a husband.
Michael Patrick 'Guns' Donovan: Aw, Monk, you're not gonna let three guys take on one - even if it is Gilhooley.
Sergeant Monk Menkowicz: I seen it done.
[Sir Charles Lytton kisses Princess Dala.]
Princess Dala: If I were my father, I'd have you tortured.
Sir Charles Lytton: No. If you were your father, I doubt very much if I would have kissed you.
James Bond: Red wine with fish. Well, that should have told me something.
Donald "Red" Grant: You may know the right wines, but you're the one on your knees. How does it feel old man?
Charlie Hawkins: When you get to be a cab driver you cut yourself right off from the rest of the human race. Everybody's got it in for you and nobody loves you. In no time at all you find that you're about as popular as a wickerwork seat in a nudist camp, and you know what sort of impression that makes on people.
Moustache: To be overly honest in a dishonest world is like plucking a chicken against the wind... you'll only wind up with a mouth full of feathers.
Big Daddy: The pit! Bring me my pendulum, kiddies, I feel like swinging.
Angie: Do you call everybody Charlie?
Steve: Only the people I dig.
Albert Poop-Decker: If you've got a heart of oak, it's got a worm in it.