Dr. Miles J. Bennell: And so I ran. I ran, I ran, I ran! I ran as little Jimmy Grimaldi ran the other day.
Nick Benko: Don't fight it, Eddie! What are you trying to do, hold onto your self-respect? Did your self-respect help you hold your job? Did your self-respect give you a new column?
Equipment Officer: I'm sorry, the book says I must wait three months before I can initiate the procedure for hastening new issue.
Bader: Fine! We'll send Goring a telegram, and ask him not to come over for three months.
Kyle Hadley: I'll kill him.
Marylee Hadley: A whiskey bottle's about all you'd kill.
Anton Mauve: Oh, Vincent. I'm sorry to put off seeing you, but we artists have to be selfish, you know. We have to save our ourselves. After all with each painting, we die a little.
Billy Bigelow: I just couldn't get the hang of being married.
Starkeeper: Was that Julie's fault?
Billy Bigelow: No, but maybe it wasn't my fault either.
Dorlock Holmes: Watkins, in a moment there'll be a knock at the door heralding the start of the case of the Shropshire Slasher. Answer it. My pants are caught in a nail.
Voiceover in pre-credits sequence: Last night I dreamed a deadly dream / Beyond the Isle of Skye / I saw a dead man win a fight / And I think that man was I.
Agnes Hurley: The only reason he married me was that my father, God rest his soul, met him one day at the union hall. They was both house painters, ya know. And he said, "Hurley, I'll give ya $300 if you'll marry my daughter." And he said he would, and he did.
Jane Hurley: I never heard that story, Ma.
Agnes Hurley: Oh, sure, sure. 'Course I'm exaggeratin' a little, but... but that's the gist of it.
Ed Avery: Childhood is a congenital disease - and the purpose of education is to cure it. We're breeding a race of moral midgets.
William Campbell: What do we tell the Johnny Rebs when they ask who we are and where we're from?
James J. Andrews: Tell them you're Kentuckians escaping the rule of the Yankees to join a Southern Regiment. If they press you closely, tell 'em you hail from Fleming County, Kentucky. I'm from Flemingsburg myself. No man from that county has ever joined the Southern army... As for you, Mr. Buffum, it might be wiser if you didn't speak at all. I never met a Kentuckian so plainly from Massachusetts.
Sheriff Bill Toledo: This fella George Kelby musta been pretty fast.
Harvey Maxwell: He was the fastest man alive.
Sheriff Bill Toledo: Then how come he's dead?
Harvey Maxwell: He wanted it that way.
Liz Eckhart: Nobody can help you now.
Milly: Why can't they? When do I get my turn? Everybody needs help don't they? I need help too. Maybe I don't want to find out how he feels.
Liz Eckhart: Being in love is never easy, and the more in love you are, the less easy and more lonesome it gets.
Dr. Thomas Morgan: ... because we all stand between the jungle and the stars, at a crossroads. I think we better decide what brings out the best in humankind, and what brings out the worst, because it's the stars or the jungle.
King: You are very difficult woman.
Captain Bell - H.M.S. Exeter: Can reach Plymouth if ordered.
Claire Anderson: He speaks! The zombie speaks.