Laura: I hate that Nellie Oleson.
Caroline: Laura! Don't say "hate" - don't even think "hate"! I'm sure Nellie has her good qualities somewhere.
Charles: Your ma's right, half-pint. Now on the way home, we'll try and think of some.
Paladin: I don't think you got a very good look at this gun while you had it. The balance is perfect. This trigger responds to a pressure of one ounce. If you look carefully in the barrel you'll see the lines of the rifling. It's a rarity in a hand weapon. This gun was handcrafted to my specifications and I rarely draw it unless I mean to use it. Would you care for a demonstration?
Ben Cartwright: You and your education.
Adam Cartwright: Education is progress! Now what have you got against it?
Ben Cartwright: I don't have anything against education - as long as it doesn't interfere with your thinking.
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: I'll tell you why the Hagens live so long.
Festus Haggen: Why?
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: 'Cause they're too dumb to know they're dead.
Corporal Randolph Agarn: How do you get to Fort Courage? That's easy. You take a right at the rock that looks like a bear, then a left at the bear that looks like a rock.
Billy Blue Cannon: I need all the rest I can get, Uncle Buck.
Buck Cannon: When I was your age, Blue, the word 'rest' hadn't been invented.
Nick Barkley: It might do you good to eat a little dust once in awhile.
Jarrod Barkley: I'm a lawyer, remember? I only eat crow.
Lord Bowler: Uh oh. You hit the sheriff.
Brisco County Jr.: Yeah, but I did not hit the deputy.
Man in Black: This whole world is a story. I've read every page except the last one. I need to find out how it ends. I want to know what this all means.
Lawrence: See, now that's why I never learned to read.
Hank Lawson: I ain't stupid.
Olive Bray: Well, that's a matter of opinion.
Omar: That's the great thing about the compound bow, a great equalizer. A little bit of practice, even a girl can make that shot.
Eva: No one's ever gutted a man for me before.
A.D.A. Alex Cahill: How about a cruise for our honeymoon?
Ranger Cordell Walker: We've already done that.
A.D.A. Alex Cahill: That was a river raft.
Ranger Cordell Walker: Close enough.
Chris: I was thinkin' about whiskey, a room, a bed, more whiskey.
Blacksmith: Hardin, that boy cost me 50 dollars. That's 50 dollars for the boy and 50 cents for the grave. That's $50.50 you owe me.
John Wesley Hardin: Don't stand there talking nonsense to me while I'm working hard at getting drunk. Just drag your man off behind the sand hill and the big pig will eat him, and save you 50 cents.
Red Lance: You... read all these books?
Voices That Carry: There's much to learn from them.
Red Lance: What good is this knowledge?
Voices That Carry: You have many questions Red Lance, but you have no desire to hear the answers.
Red Lance: And you do not wish to learn.
Voices That Carry: I've told you. The Ghost Dance is only superstition. Spirits can't help our people. Only we can do that for ourselves.
Red Lance: You do not have ears. You will not listen.
Hannibal Heyes: Look, Wheat, I agree, we gotta bust him out. But it's gonna take finesse.
Kyle Murtry: Wheat didn't bring any of that.
Bret Maverick: Jed, only one man in a hundred plays poker by the odds. Luck's only important when you sit down with men who play as tight as you do. When I find that out I quit. It's gambling.