Laura: I hate that Nellie Oleson.
Caroline: Laura! Don't say "hate" - don't even think "hate"! I'm sure Nellie has her good qualities somewhere.
Charles: Your ma's right, half-pint. Now on the way home, we'll try and think of some.
Paladin: I don't think you got a very good look at this gun while you had it. The balance is perfect. This trigger responds to a pressure of one ounce. If you look carefully in the barrel you'll see the lines of the rifling. It's a rarity in a hand weapon. This gun was handcrafted to my specifications and I rarely draw it unless I mean to use it. Would you care for a demonstration?
Ben Cartwright: You and your education.
Adam Cartwright: Education is progress! Now what have you got against it?
Ben Cartwright: I don't have anything against education - as long as it doesn't interfere with your thinking.
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: I'll tell you why the Hagens live so long.
Festus Haggen: Why?
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: 'Cause they're too dumb to know they're dead.
Billy Blue Cannon: I need all the rest I can get, Uncle Buck.
Buck Cannon: When I was your age, Blue, the word 'rest' hadn't been invented.
Eva: No one's ever gutted a man for me before.
A.D.A. Alex Cahill: How about a cruise for our honeymoon?
Ranger Cordell Walker: We've already done that.
A.D.A. Alex Cahill: That was a river raft.
Ranger Cordell Walker: Close enough.
Nick Barkley: It might do you good to eat a little dust once in awhile.
Jarrod Barkley: I'm a lawyer, remember? I only eat crow.
Lord Bowler: Uh oh. You hit the sheriff.
Brisco County Jr.: Yeah, but I did not hit the deputy.
Man in Black: This whole world is a story. I've read every page except the last one. I need to find out how it ends. I want to know what this all means.
Lawrence: See, now that's why I never learned to read.
Hank Lawson: I ain't stupid.
Olive Bray: Well, that's a matter of opinion.
Omar: That's the great thing about the compound bow, a great equalizer. A little bit of practice, even a girl can make that shot.
Naomi Wheeler: What is that?
Burnt by the Sun: Special oils that make Prairie Fire burn all night.
Hannibal Heyes: Look, Wheat, I agree, we gotta bust him out. But it's gonna take finesse.
Kyle Murtry: Wheat didn't bring any of that.
Ezra: You're sneaky, I'll give you that, but you're? you're? help me out here, Buck.
Buck: You are crookeder than a yellow-bellied snake makin' its way through a prickly pear patch.
Ezra: Thank you.
Bret Maverick: As my old pappy used to say, you can be a gentleman and still not forget all you know about self-defense.
Blacksmith: Hardin, that boy cost me 50 dollars. That's 50 dollars for the boy and 50 cents for the grave. That's $50.50 you owe me.
John Wesley Hardin: Don't stand there talking nonsense to me while I'm working hard at getting drunk. Just drag your man off behind the sand hill and the big pig will eat him, and save you 50 cents.