Rod Serling: For those of you who've never met me, you might call me the under-nourished Alfred Hitchcock.
Simon Holmes: Sometimes I wish we collected stamps for fun, instead of battling the forces of weirdness.
Johnny Two Hats: I'm Johnny Two Hats, why do you think they call me that?
Vince Noir: Is it because you've got two hats on?
Johnny Two Hats: Bingo.
Helen: He's going to the center of the Earth. You get dizzy on the botton rung of a ladder.
Jonas Lytton: Not the bottom rung.
Reverend Purdy: I destroy my enemy when I make him my friend.
Giant: The owls are not what they seem.
Paul: You know, sometimes a guys just gotta set the world on fire, hey Rolfy. I wonder if there's a nice bottle of rubbing alcohol around here, and a match.
Hoss Delgado: Give it to us straight, Goodburger. Is our little Remus.
Mandy: Billy.
Hoss Delgado: ...Billy, on the bullet train to Smartsville, or is he riding the slow pony to the rubber forest?
Gary Sparrow: My wives exist in different temporal aspects of a four-dimensional space-time continuum.
Ron Wheatcroft: Typical bigamist's excuse.
Narrator: With this amulet, you and your descendants are endowed by the goddess Isis with the powers of the animals and the elements. You will soar as the falcon soars, run with the speed of gazelles and command the elements of sky and earth.
Witchiepoo: Stop eating your popcorn and be quiet.
Lucius Belyakov: A dark heart dwells where the branches meet / Anointed dagger plunge thee deep.
Aku: Long ago in a distant land, I, Aku, the shape shifting master of darkness, unleashed an unspeakable evil. But a foolish samurai warrior wielding a magic sword stepped forth to oppose me. Before the final blow was struck, I tore open a portal in time, and flung him into the future where my evil is law. Now the fool seeks to return to the past and undo the future that is Aku.
Jackie: Wait! Bayblonian urn.
Ratso: What's a Babylonian urn?
Finn: Probably more than we do!
Loca: Well, let's see. You have three options. Either you do it, you do it, or you do it.
Gary: Opportunity doesn't knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.
Sister Josepha Montefiore: "Father, why hast thou forsaken me?" Christ asked the same question.
Richard: Did he get an answer?
Sister Josepha Montefiore: Well, he wasn't a scientist so he knew that... some questions have none.
Alpha 6: Yo yo yo, whatcha talkin' about?