Quotes from Tim Meadows movies and TV shows

Soul Station Manager: Mr. Phelps, I see you've listed "dabut" under your hobbies?
Leon Phelps: Yeah, that's "da butt."

Leon Phelps: My name is Leon Phelps, and to those of you that are uninitiated, I am an expert in the ways of love. I have made love to many fine ladies from the lowliest bus station skank to the classiest most sophisticated, educated, debutant, high society... bus station skank.

Leon Phelps: Listen, I was wandering. Can I ask you a question? Uh... was your father a meat burgler? Here's why I ask: because it looks like somebody stole two fine hams and shoved them down the back of your dress.

Leon Phelps: So... you... don't want a fish sandwich?

Mr. Duvall: Miss Smith, why would Regina refer to herself as a "fugly slut"?

Mr. Duvall: So, uh... How was your summer?
Ms. Norbury: I got divorced.
Mr. Duvall: Oh. My carpal tunnel came back.
Ms. Norbury: I win.

Sam: You're gonna have to give him a moment, son. Dewey Cox has to think about his entire life before he plays.