Quotes from Seann William Scott movies and TV shows

Kevin: Hey, Stifler. How's the pale ale?
Stifler: Fuck you!

Oz: [After singing with the choir.] How did I sound?
Jim: You sounded pretty good!
Stifler: Yeah, man, I think you need your balls reattached!

Oz: All right, here's a new idea for you, Stifler, okay? You find a girl. You two become best friends. And you don't bother counting how many times you have sex with each other. You just laugh at the people that do count.
Stifler: Here's a new idea for you. I'll get you a spoon so you can eat my ass.

Stifler: Jim. Can't you keep your shirt on? You're scaring the chicks away.

Steve Stifler: Ladies, you'd better be working hard - you weren't hired for your looks. Actually you were. Not you.

Steve Stifler: I ain't worth jack shit, D-Ron.

Stifler: Well polish my nuts and serve me a milkshake.

Stifler: It's time for me to boom boom with the bridesmaids, Finch fucker, cuz I'm gonna hang out with my wang out, and I'm gonna rock out with my cock out!

Stifler: Motherfucker.
Finch: [Grinning.] Yes I am.

Stifler: Are you saying I'm impolite?
Jim: Impolite would be an improvement.

Finch: Let me handle this, these are my people.
Stifler: They're gay?
Finch: No, you bleeding imbecile! They have culture, they have style, they're sophisticated!
Stifler: So, they're gay!

Stifler: What's the capital of Thailand? [Hits Finch in the groin.] Bang cock!

Kar: So, I figured it out, why hot dogs come in packages of ten and hot dog buns come in packages of eight. See, the thing is, life doesn't always work out according to plan so be happy with what you've got, because you can always get a hot dog.

Chester: Is that a barn?
Jesse: Is it red?
Chester: No.
Jesse: Then it isn't a barn!

Chester: Dude, you just touched Christie Boner's hoo-hoo.
Jesse: Shibby!
Chester: Low five.

Jumpsuit Chick #1: If you are Jesse and Chester, maybe we will give you erotic pleasure.
Jesse: That's us!
Chester: Right here!

Jesse: Dude, this is an *emergency*!
Chester: So is this. It's a break-dancing stripper emergency!

Jesse: Dude, where's my car?
Chester: Where's your car dude?
Jesse: DUDE, where's my car?
Chester: Where's your car dude?

Chester: How wasted were we last night?
Jesse: Well, I touched Christy Boner's hoo-hoo, were on the hook for two hundred thousand dollars to a transsexual stripper, and my car's gone. I'd say we were pretty wasted.

Chester: Who are you guys?
Zarnoff: My name is Zarnoff. This is Zabu, Zellnor, Zelbor, Zelmina, and, uh, Jeff.

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