Mitch Bradley: Would you bury me next to Griffin?
Einar Gilkyson: Don't you think you oughta die first?
Einar Gilkyson: There's nothing more pathetic than a guy chasing a woman that doesn't want him.
Mitch Bradley: You wanna know what I dreamed last night?
Einar Gilkyson: What?
Mitch Bradley: I dreamed you weren't such a miserable son of a bitch.
Einar Gilkyson: That's not dreaming, that's wishful thinking.
Einar Gilkyson: My son is dead.
Mitch Bradley: Your granddaughter's not, and neither are you.
Einar Gilkyson: Did I ask you to do that?
Griff Gilkyson: Don't bears like honey? Winnie the Pooh does.
Griff Gilkyson: Are those my dad's things?
Einar Gilkyson: Yeah, they are.
Griff Gilkyson: Where does he live now?
Einar Gilkyson: He's dead. Didn't your mother tell you that?
Griff Gilkyson: Yeah, but she said you were dead too.
Nina: I wonder if it's hard being that drunk this early.
Einar Gilkyson: Oh, it's easy if you don't stop drinking all night.
Tally Atwater: Do you want to be with me?
Warren Justice: So much it hurts.
Bill Bryson: Writers don't retire. We either drink ourselves to death or blow our brains out.
TV Host: What will it be for you?
Bill Bryson: After this interview, probably both.
Stephen Katz: Not bad looking, huh?
Bill Bryson: That depends.
Stephen Katz: You know what I look for in a female these days? A heartbeat and a full set of limbs.
Bill Bryson: Well, most people lower their standards as they age.
Stephen Katz: Yeah?
Bill Bryson: You've actually raised yours.
Catherine Bryson: Have you actually thought this through at all?
Bill Bryson: Of course not.
Bill Bryson: Katz, you still there?
Stephen Katz: Unfortunately.
Stephen Katz: How do you know all this stuff?
Bill Bryson: Well, there are these things called books.
Stephen Katz: Oh, No kidding, they're called books?
Bill Bryson: Yeah, they're like TV for smart people.
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