Quotes from Rob McElhenney movies and TV shows

Frank Reynolds: We gotta definitely write a song about how we do not diddle kids! "Do not diddle kids, it's no good diddling kids."
Mac: There is no quicker way for people to think that you are diddling kids than by writing a song about it.

Fat Mac: You want some insulin?

Mac: Jesus Christ, Frank. Are you cutting your toenails with a steak knife?
Charlie Kelly: I suppose you have a problem with that, too?
Frank Reynolds: Ah! Oh! Oh! Botched toe! I botched that one. Oh, that's a botch job. That's bleeding. I need some trash to plug up the cut.

Dennis: How much cheese have you eaten today?
Charlie: How much cheese is too much cheese?
Dennis: Any amount of cheese before a date is too much cheese!
Charlie: I had a lot of cheese, I had a block of cheese.
Mac: You had a block of cheese?
Charlie: I got really, really nervous - I just started eating cheese.
Mac: Does that calm you down?

Mac: I think you should bang Gail the Snail.
Frank Reynolds: My neice?
Mac: Yeah.
Frank Reynolds: Gail the Snail?
Mac: Dude, what's more depraved than that, huh? She's not blood related so it's not that weird.

Charlie Kelly: But I am who I am.
Mac: Yeah, but let's pretend you aren't who you are and just try to attract a woman.

Charlie Kelly: Mac, can an asshole rip in half?
Mac: Like tissue paper.

The Gang Makes Paddy's Great Again - S13-E1

Cindy: Is that a sex doll?
Mac: Yeah.
Dee: Is that Dennis?
Mac: Well, yeah, of course.
Frank: Is that part of the plan?
Cindy: No! Why did you get a sex doll of your old roommate?
Mac: Because you told me to get one.
Cindy: I definitely did not.
Mac: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was. I was super sad about my old roommate leaving, and. And you said I needed something Dennis-shaped to fill my hole.
Cindy: No, Mac, I said that you obviously had a Dennis-shaped hole in your life that you needed to fill.
Mac: How is that not the same thing?

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