Quotes from Rick Moranis movies and TV shows - page 2 of 2

Wayne Szalinski: Diane, are you going to stay mad at me the whole time or are you going to try and make the best of this bad situation?
Diane Szalinski: I'm going to stay mad at you the whole time.

Adam Szalinski: What's the record-player?
Wayne Szalinski: That old CD player.

Danny O'Shea: Hey, I got an idea. How about we go put some mud tires on the go cart?
Becky O'Shea: Nah. I don't want to.
Danny O'Shea: Alright, forget the tires. How about we go camping in the woods! Make moose sounds?
Becky O'Shea: Nah.
Danny O'Shea: Alright, forget the moose sounds.

Dr. Margaret Snow Coopersmith: Barney, look at the way you eat pancakes.
Wally Bunting: How does he eat pancakes?
Dr. Margaret Snow Coopersmith: He has a system for eating pancakes.
Barney Coopersmith: So the bottom pancake gets the same amount of syrup as the first.
Dr. Margaret Snow Coopersmith: He has a system for everything.

Col. Sandurz: Lord Helmet.
Dark Helmet: WHAT?!
Col. Sandurz: You're needed on the bridge, sir.
Dark Helmet: KNOCK ON MY DOOR! KNOCK NEXT TIME!
Col. Sandurz: Yes, sir.
Dark Helmet: Did you see anything?
Col. Sandurz: No, sir. I didn't see you playing with your dolls again.
Dark Helmet: Good.

Dark Helmet: Before you die there is something you should know about us, Lone Star.
Lone Starr: What?
Dark Helmet: I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.
Lone Starr: What's that make us?
Dark Helmet: Absolutely nothing! Which is what you are about to become.

[The self destruction cancellation button is out of order.]
Dark Helmet: F**k! Even in the future nothing works!

Dark Helmet: Careful, you idiot. I said across her nose, not up it!
[The gunman turns around and is cross-eyed.]
Gunman: Sorry, sir. I'm doing my best.
Dark Helmet: Who made that man a gunner?
Cross-eyed gunman 2: I did, sir. He's my cousin.
Dark Helmet: Who is he?
Col. Sanders: He's an asshole, sir.
Dark Helmet: I know that, what's his name?
Col. Sanders: That is his name, sir. "Asshole." Major Asshole.
Dark Helmet: And his cousin?
Col. Sanders: He's an asshole too, sir. Gunners mate, Second-class Philip Asshole.
Dark Helmet: How many assholes we got on this ship, anyhow?
Everyone on the ship: Yo!
Dark Helmet: I knew it, I'm surrounded by assholes.

Dark Helmet: You have the ring, and I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. Now let's see how well you handle it.

Dark Helmet: Shit! I hate getting my Schwartz twisted!

Lord Helmet: What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the movie?
Colonel Sandurz: Now. You're looking at now, sir. Everything that happens now is happening now.
Lord Helmet: What happened to then?
Colonel Sandurz: We passed then.
Lord Helmet: When?
Colonel Sandurz: Just now. We're at now, now.
Lord Helmet: Go back to then.
Colonel Sandurz: When?
Lord Helmet: Now!
Colonel Sandurz: Now?
Lord Helmet: Now!
Colonel Sandurz: We can't
Lord Helmet: Why?
Colonel Sandurz: We missed it.
Lord Helmet: When.
Colonel Sandurz: Just now.
Lord Helmet: When will then be now?
Colonel Sandurz: Soon.

Bishop73

Dark Helmet: What about you guys?
Trooper: We ain't found shit!

Dark Helmet: WHAT? You went over my helmet?

Dark Helmet: So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.

Dark Helmet: Druish princess are often attracted to money and power, and I have both, and you know it.