Quotes from Richard Belzer movies and TV shows

Det. John Munch: I don't like to form attachments with people. They either get suspended or throw china at you.

Det. Tim Bayliss: So does the violence make them stupid or does the stupidity lead to violence?
Det. John Munch: Well, that's chicken and egg semantics. The important point is that we win some cases because our brains are repositories for intelligence and their brains are day-old banana pudding.

Det. John Munch: Life should come with a money back guarantee. If you're not satisfied, return unused portion for a full refund.

Det. John Munch: Name one miracle that's happened in your lifetime.
Det. Stan Bolander: How 'bout the fact that I haven't killed you yet?

Det. John Munch: Homicide: our day begins when yours ends.

Det. John Munch: Every evening is as random as the next, death doesn't follow a schedule.

Det. John Munch: The only thing I have in common with Judaism is we both don't like to work on Saturdays.

Det. Stan Bolander: How come every time I open that refrigerator, there's one drop of milk left in the carton? So who has to go to the 7-11 and replace the carton of milk?
Det. John Munch: Me.
Det. Stan Bolander: That's besides the point. He's doing that on my behalf. He could be doing something else for me.

Dr. Julianna Cox, CME: Don't you even wonder why?
Det. John Munch: Why what?
Dr. Julianna Cox, CME: Why he lied.
Det. John Munch: I'm a homicide detective. The only time I wonder why is when they tell me the truth.

Sgt. Kay Howard: If you were going to hide a body, where would you bury it?
Det. John Munch: In a cemetery.