Quotes from Maria Bello movies and TV shows

Rachel: Lil, do we serve water with our whiskey?
Lil: Only water I serve's got barley and hops in it. Hey everybody, do we serve water in this bar?
Everybody: Hell, no H2O.

Girl: Can I ask you somethin'?
Lil: What?
Girl: What - Oh, what does Coyote Ugly mean?
Lil: Did you ever wake up sober after a one night stand, and the person you're next to is layin' on your arm, and they're so ugly, you'd rather chew off your arm then risk waking 'em? That's coyote ugly.
Girl: My God. But, why would you name your bar after somethin' like that?
Lil: Oh, because Cheers was taken.

Lil: Hey, everybody, shut up! I'd like you to meet my new girl, whose name is... Jersey! Jersey, is an ex kindergarten teacher, and a former nun, who just escaped from the convent, and is tired of being the only virgin in New York City! Would anyone like to buy her a drink?

Lil: I'm married to that bar. Hell, I'd, uh, I'd sleep there, if I had the guts to walk around barefoot. But that's me, you know. I'm the original coyote. Just a small town gal trying to make it in the big bad city.
Violet: Small town gal?
Lil: Piedmont, North Dakota. You ever tell anyone that, I'll kill ya.

Violet: Do you have a reservation?
Lil: Uh, yeah, it's under, uh, "Cast Iron Heartless Bitch."
Violet: Could it be under "Stubborn and Pigheaded"?
Lil: Yes! That's the one.

Lil: That's Rachel, you can learn a lot from her.
Violet: She just cut some guy's ponytail off.
Lil: Yeah, the court ordered her to take anger-management classes after she pummeled a customer for grabbin' her ass. He pressed charges, I gave her a raise. Cheers.

Violet: Look, are you really the owner? 'Cause I've had a rough couple of days and so the last thing I need is some waitress on a power trip wastin' my time.
Lil: You start Friday night.

Cammie: I'm Cammie, the Russian tease.
Violet: Violet, the Jersey nun.
Cammie: That one's Rachel, the New York bitch. We all play our little parts. Only Rachel really is a bitch, and I really am a tease.
Lil: Cammie, you can only be a tease if you stop sleepin' around, babe.
Cammie: Yeah, I keep forgetting that part.

Katherine "Katie" McLoughlin: Calm down, Flicka.
Nell McLaughlin: You named her?
Katherine "Katie" McLoughlin: Flicka. That is the word, isn't it?
Gus: Oh, yeah. Beautiful um... young girl.
Jack: Well, you got the girl part right.

Rob McLaughlin: There's no good reason why this animal should be alive.
Nell McLaughlin: There's a very good reason she's alive-she's got mustang blood in her. She's a fighter, just like our girl.

Rob McLaughlin: Our daughter lives in a fantasy land.
Nell McLaughlin: So do you! Look at you, sitting on top of Cowboy Mountain looking down at the world passing by. When are you going to look at your daughter and realise that she's you?

Rick O'Connell: I. Really. Hate. Mummies.
Evelyn O'Connell: I think the feeling is mutual.

Porter: You said it: they're not going to stop until they bury us.
Rosie: So?
Porter: So we bury them first.

Rosie: I think all those stories about you being dead are true. You're just too thick-headed to admit it.