Quotes from Larry David movies and TV shows

Larry David: Not one Spanish person has figured out that piñata is a sick fucking game?

Marty Funkhouser: Why do you pee sitting down?
Larry David: Many reasons.
Marty Funkhouser: Do you crap standing up?

Larry David: The whole cashew-raisin balance is askew.

Larry David: What are you doing there?
Man: A little plumbing.
Larry David: A little plumbing! Got to plumb! Plumb the depths! The depths of hell.

Ben Stiller: You wouldn't even shake my hand the first time we met.
Larry David: You sneezed... you had snot all over your hand.
Ben Stiller: That was a dry sneeze, Larry.
Larry David: I can't assume dry, I gotta assume wet.

Larry David: Have you ever played telephone before? You don't even know how to play telephone, do you?
Cheryl: I do know how to play telephone.
Larry David: Oh, do you?
Cheryl: Yeah, but I usually play the "G" version. It's usually something like, "Susie lives down the lane."
Larry David: The kid didn't say "Susie lives down the lane," he said "I love tits!"

Larry David: I am not obsessed with asses.
Wanda: Okay, assy. And what is all that shit all over your shirt? You been scrounging around, looking for ass?

Larry David: This is called a Swiss Army Knife. Do you know what Switzerland is?
Tara Michaelson: No, what's that?
Larry David: Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.