Quotes from Jon Favreau movies and TV shows

Riva: Look, if you bought Stones tickets and Jagger didn't play Satisfaction, how would you feel? Would you be happy?
Carl Casper: No.
Riva: No! You'd burn the place to the fucking ground.

Carl Casper: I'm like a cat playing a piano.

Adam Levy: Two people can be perfect for each other but if the timing's wrong it's never going to work out. Bad timing is the reason that most normal people end up single. Weirdos and creeps are single cause they are weird and creepy but people like us are single because of bad timing.

Adam Levy: I cheese sandwich you.
Kate: I cheese sandwich you too.

Ricky Slade: You wanna bet me that I can't get a gun?
Bobby: You couldn't even get a handjob from the bridge and tunnel posse at the club last night.

Bobby: Asshole-ay.
Ricky Slade: Did you hear that? What do ya think of that? Huh?

Old Woman: Excuse me, but can you blow me where the pampers is?
Gutter: What?
Old Woman: Can you blow me where the pampers is?
Gutter: What?
Old Woman: Can you show me where the campus is?

D-Bob: Who's the wild man now?

D-Bob: Remember Elza? She's my girl now. We're engaged. Ain't that goddamn something?
Elza: Dennis.
D-Bob: Oh yeah, I ain't allowed to say "goddamn" no more.

D-Bob: We've had a hell of a goddamn run haven't we?

D-Bob: Are you learning stenography or something? Everything he's mouthing is in the goddamn book.
Rudy: I gotta make an 'A' in this class.
D-Bob: Just remember "Sitz im Leben" and it shouldn't be a problem.

Rob: Those guys are right. You're money.
Mike: Then why won't she call?
Rob: She won't call because you left. She's got her own life to deal with and that's in New York. She's a sweet girl and I love her to pieces, but fuck her, man. You got to get on with your life. You've got to let go of the past Mikey, and when you do, the future is beautiful.

Mike: So how long do I wait to call?
Trent: A day.
Mike: Tomorrow.
Sue: Tomorrow, then a day.
Trent: Yeah.
Mike: So two days?
Trent: Yeah, I guess you could call it that, two days.
Sue: Definitely, two days is like industry standard.
Trent: You know I used to wait two days to call anybody, but now it's like everyone in town waits two days. So I think three days is kind of money. What do you think?
Sue: Yeah, but two's enough not to look anxious.
Trent: But I think three days is kind of money. You know because you...
Mike: Yeah, but you know what, mabey I'll wait 3 weeks. How's that? And tell her I was cleaning out my wallet and I just happened to run into her number.
Charles: Then ask her where you met her.
Mike: Yeah, I'll ask her where I met her. I don't remember. What does she look like? And then I'll asked if we fucked. Is that... Would that be... T, would that be the money?
Trent: You know what. Ha ha ha Mike, laugh all you want but if you call too soon you might scare off a nice baby who's ready to party.
Mike: Well how long are you guys gonna wait to call your babies?
Trent, Sue: Six days.

Charles Moore: How do you know she's dead?
Adam Berkow: She's got no fuckin' pulse. She's got no pulse.
Kyle Fisher: Where do you look? What side of the neck?
Charles Moore: Left, left, left side.
Adam Berkow: Either side, you idiot.