Quotes from Joel Murray movies and TV shows

Roxy: This is more fun than killing yourself, right?
Frank: I don't know. Yeah, I guess.

Frank: Are you A.D.D. 'Juno'.
Roxy: Yes. I have A.D.D. And don't you ever call me fucking 'Juno' again.
Frank: Sorry.
Roxy: That's who we should kill next.
Frank: A fictitious character?
Roxy: No. Diablo Cody. Fuck her for writing that movie, she's the only stripper who suffers from too much self esteem.

Roxy: You really had the chance to do something awesome here. But you're blowing it, Frank. Now you're just gonna be remembered as some creepy old stalker dude who was in love with some young twat on a television show. Just a pervy old dude that killed that girl and then himself when he couldn't have her.
Frank: I didn't kill her because I couldn't have her. I killed her because she wasn't nice.

Frank: I only wanna kill people who deserve to die.
Roxy: You know who we should kill?
Frank: Who?
Roxy: People who use rockstar as an adjective. As in rockstar parking.
Frank: People who pound energy drinks all day.
Roxy: People who use the term edgy, in your face, or extreme.

Roxy: Wow. Look at all these people.
Frank: Yeah. I wish I had an AK-47.

Roxy: Musically, I'm all about Alice Cooper.
Frank: I like Alice Cooper.
Roxy: You don't like Alice Cooper, Frank. That, that, that's like a Muslim saying that he likes Muhammad. You accept Alice Cooper.

Roxy: So you can kill a teenager, just not fuck one?
Frank: Yeah.

Frank: I am offended. Not because I got a problem with bitter, predictible, whining millionaire disc jockeys complaining about celebrities or how tough their life is, while I live in an apartment with paper-thin walls next to a couple of Neanderthals who, instead of a baby, decided to give birth to some kind of nocturnal civil defense air raid siren that goes off every fucking night like it's Pearl Harbor.

Frank: Thanks for not talking during the feature. Thanks for turning off your cellphone.
Kimberly Black: You're welcome.

Roxy: You're seriously not interested in me at all as a girlfriend?
Frank: What the hell are you talking about? I'm not a pedophile.
Roxy: So we're Platonic spree killers?
Frank: Yeah. And that's all.

Hoops McCann: Will you watch where you're going! We're heading for the docks.
George Calamari: We've gotta make the boat.
Hoops McCann: Boat? What boat?
George Calamari: What, did you think we were driving to Nantucket? Come on, it's an island.
Hoops McCann: You never mentioned any boats! I hate boats! I'm not getting on any boat.
George Calamari: I beg to differ.