Jeff Winger: Hey! Troy sneezes like a girl!
Troy: How about I pound you like a boy...that didn't come out right.
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Quotes from Joel McHale movies and TV shows
Football, Feminism and You - S1-E6
Troy Barnes: You're saying I could be a lawyer.
Jeff Winger: I'm saying you're a football player! It's in your blood!
Troy Barnes: That's racist.
Jeff Winger: Your soul!
Troy Barnes: That's racist.
Jeff Winger: Your eyes?
Troy Barnes: That's gay?
Jeff Winger: That's homophobic.
Troy Barnes: That's black.
Jeff Winger: THAT'S racist!
Troy Barnes: Damn.
Jeff Winger: To me, religion is like Paul Rudd. I see the appeal, and I would never take it away from anyone. But I would also never stand in line for it.
Jeff Winger: Have you learned nothing from your insipid Twilight books? Men are monsters who crave young flesh.
Abed: I thought you were like Bill Murray in any of his films, but you're more like Michael Douglas in any of his films.
Jeff Winger: Yeah, well you have Aspergers.
Jeff Winger: I discovered at a very early age that if I talk long enough, I can make anything right or wrong. So either I'm God or truth is relative. In either case, booyah!
Duncan: Interesting, it's just that the average person has a much harder time saying 'booyah' to moral relativism.
Duncan: I'm a Professor. You can't talk to me that way!
Jeff Winger: A 6 year old girl could talk to you that way!
Duncan: Yes, because that would be adorable.
Jeff Winger: No, because you're a 5 year old girl and there's a pecking order!
Shirley: Isn't Abed's dad like a hardcore Muslim? They're not as forgiving as Christians. He'll cut your head off with a salami sword.
Annie Edison: Shirley! That is the most racist thing I've ever heard.
Jeff Winger: Pierce will top that in one minute.
Football, Feminism and You - S1-E6
Abed Nadir: Will they or won't they? Sexual tension.
Jeff Winger: Abed, it makes the group uncomfortable when you talk about us like we're characters in a show you're watching.
Abed Nadir: Well, that's sort of my gimmick. But we did lean on it pretty hard last week. I can lay low for an episode.
Jeff Winger: It's the ultimate blow-off class. This class is like a redhead who likes to drink and watch Die Hard. I suggest you get her number.
Jeff Winger: Greendale may be a toilet, but it's our toilet, and nobody craps in it but us.
Britta Perry: Oh my God, you've been hit!
Jeff Winger: What? Oh no! Wait, wait... It's blood. I thought it was paint but I'm just bleeding. Talk about luck!
Annie Edison: Let's get back to Britta and Jeff.
Jeff Winger: There is no Britta and Jeff!
Pierce Hawthorne: He said, fully erect.
Cooperative Calligraphy - S2-E8
Shirley Bennett: Uh, Jeff, you don't have a bag?
Jeff Winger: Oh, I could never deprive the world of a portion of my chest the strap would cover.
Johnny's Ex: Call me when you grow up.
Johnny Cage: So, I can still call her then. That's a W.
Sonya Blade: I guess Raiden was wrong.
Johnny Cage: Oh. Ya think?
Liu Kang: No. Stay together. We'll survive. We have to.
Johnny Cage: Yeah. We better. I need to make it home so I can kill my agent.
Johnny Cage: This better not go straight to video.
Johnny Cage: Heeere's Johnny.
Liu Kang: You both made it. Good. I fear it's only gonna get harder from here.
Johnny Cage: Whoa. Wait. What's gonna get harder? I just fought a walking pair of teeth on the side of a mountain. I'm not Tom Cruise, you know. I act. I leave that stunt shit to the stunt people.
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