Quotes from Jason Sudeikis movies and TV shows

Judge Peckinpah: Mr. Red! What do we do now?
Red: Wait... You're asking me?
Judge Peckinpah: You tried to tell us but we didn't listen. I didn't listen.

Red: Well, how about that? My teacher can shoot fire balls out of her butt.

Matilda: And this is Terence.
Red: More like terrifying.

Red: Hey you know what? I used to believe in you. When I was a kid I believed nothing really bad could ever happen because you were here. And now I see the fate of the world hangs on idiots like me. And that sir is sort of terrifying.
Mighty Eagle: It's time for you to go.
Red: You know it's really upsetting to me that you're the only bird who can fly and you're to afraid to do it.

Judge Peckinpah: Mr Red! Given the severity of the crimes, I have no choice but to impose the maximum penalty allowed by the law: Anger management class.
Red: Ugh. Pluck my life.

Red: Am I a passionate bird? Yes, but what does it matter that we're not the same?

Red: That house took my five years to build.
Chuck: Wow. It's such a shame when you create something and everyone else destroys it.

Red: Well this is dynamite.

Red: This is why we went for pedicures, isn't it?
Chuck: No, we got pedicures because we're worth it.
Bomb: I got gels.

Matilda: We're gonna be working managing our anger through movement.
Chuck: Eagle, heron, peacock, warrior, mountain, tree, rabbit, fish, locust, king pigeon, and of course, downward duck.
Red: Yuck.

Bomb: Okay, well... Sometimes when I get upset, I have been known to blow up.
Red: So you get mad?
Bomb: No, I literally blow up. I explode like a bomb, hence the name.

Red: That's me, Red. Ever since I was a kid, I never really fit in. No one understands me.

Dan: When I suck my dick, I lie on my back, I throw my legs over my head.
Box: You suck your own dick?
Dan: Yeah.
Box: You cut your own hair and you suck your own dick. You're like a Swiss army knife.

[Fred is moaning, the male cop knocks on the window.]
Male Cop: Are you okay?
Grace: Don't worry. This isn't what it looks like.
Fred: Yeah, it isn't.
Grace: I was giving him a faux-job.
Male Cop: A faux-job?
Female Cop: Yeah, that's when a woman goes south on a man but she doesn't use her mouth. So she uses her hands and makes noises.
Fred: Wait, what?

Coakley: That girl in the black is checking you out.
Fred: The one who looks like the chief from Cuckoo's Nest?
Coakley: No, the one sitting next to her.

Motherfucker Jones: I think I can help you boys.
Kurt Buckman: Are you a businessman?
Motherfucker Jones: Motherfucker Jones.
Dale Arbus: Your first name is 'Motherfucker?
Motherfucker Jones: My real name is Dean.
Nick Hendricks: Dean Jones, that's the same name of the actor in Herbie and the Love Bug.
Kurt Buckman: Yeah, he probably doesn't even know who that is.
Motherfucker Jones: I know who he is, bitch. I can't walk around this fucking neighborhood with that Disney-ass name.

Kurt Buckman: I'd like to bend her over a barrel and show her the fifty states.

Mike McKinney: I got another job.
David Ghantt: No kiddin', what are you doin'?
Mike McKinney: Tax preparation.
David Ghantt: Oh, are ya? That's nice.
Mike McKinney: Naw, I'm just foolin'. It's gonna be more murder.

Larry Snyder: You can run. And boy, can you jump. What I want to know is - can you win?

Jake: First off, in our initial conversations about exclusivity, I distinctly recall you saying something about "staying casual," yeah?
Hannah: I only said that.
Jake: Most likely because you thought that was what I wanted to hear, yes?
Hannah: Yes.
Jake: Okay. Well, me taking you at your word doesn't make me an asshole. It does however make you a liar.