Quotes from Graham Chapman movies and TV shows

Second brother: And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade that with it thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu...
Maynard: Skip a bit, Brother.
Second brother: And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.'
Maynard: Amen.
Knights: Amen.
King Arthur: Right! One... Two... Five!
Sir Galahad: Three, sir!
King Arthur: Three!

King Arthur: What are you going to do. Bleed on me?
Black Knight: I'm invincible!
King Arthur: You're a loony.
Black Knight: The Black Knight always triumphs. Have at you!

Dennis: You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
King Arthur: Shut up!
Dennis: I mean, if I went around saying I was an Emperor because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!

King Arthur: Run away! Run away!

Bishop73

Commander Clement: Twenty years ago today you were sentenced to jail.
Yellowbeard: Yes, and now I'm due to released.
Commander Clement: Yes. Or rather, no. You see, twenty years ago, no-one was expected to live in jail for twenty years.

Betty: That's Yellowbeard.
Yellowbeard: I'm in disguise, you stupid tart.

Dan: Look, if you cut my head off it'll start to putrify.
Yellowbeard: Do what?
Dan: Putrify, go rotten.
Yellowbeard: Yeah, it would ooze a lot, heads do. But I could live with that.

Yellowbeard: Dying's the easy way out. You won't catch me dying. They'll have to kill me before I die.

Betty: When little Dan was two minutes old I tattooed it on his head.
Yellowbeard: Does he know about this?
Betty: Oh, no no no, that's why I kept him in the cupboard for three years. That may be why he's a bit odd with all these books, and reading, and stuff like that.