Quotes from Ed Helms movies and TV shows - page 2 of 3

Stu Price: Don't let the beard fool you. He's a child!

Phil Wenneck: Whose fucking baby is that?
Stu Price: Alan, are you sure you didn't see anyone else in the suite?
Alan Garner: Yeah, I checked all the rooms... No one's there. Check its collar or something.

Stu Price: So, uh, are you sure you're qualified to be taking care of that baby?
Alan Garner: What are you talking about? I've found a baby before.
Stu Price: You found a baby before? Where?
Alan Garner: Coffee Bean.

Stu Price: I look like a nerdy hillbilly!

Stu Price: You are a fucking moron!
Alan Garner: Your language is offensive.
Stu Price: Fuck you!

Stu Price: That is not Doug.
Mr. Chow: What're you talking about, Willis? That him!
Stu Price: No, I'm sorry, Mr. Chow, that's not our friend, he... It's...
Alan Garner: The Doug we're looking for is a white.

Stu Price: Why don't we remember a God damn thing from last night?
Phil Wenneck: Obviously because we had a great fucking time.

Stu Price: That's my grandma's ring. She made it all the way through the holocaust with that thing. It's legit.

Stu Price: We're in a stolen cop car with what is sure to be a missing child in the back. What part of this is cool?
Alan Garner: I think the cop car part's pretty cool.

Stu Price: You know, everyone says Mike Tyson is such a badass, but I think he's kind of a sweetheart.
Alan Garner: I think he's mean.

Stu Price: You found the car?
Officer Franklin: Yeah! It was parked in the middle of Las Vegas Blvd. With a note that said "Couldn't find a meter, so here's $4."

Stu Price: This does not seem fair.
Phil Wenneck: It's rock-paper-scissors. There's nothin' more fair.

Jeff: This morning I was meant to have a business meeting with the Kevins and destiny, and now you're here at this, this weird hooters thing. And so now, I'm just trying to figure out how to proceed.
Pat: What you just said sounded like Yoda took acid and stumbled into a business meeting.
Jeff: You can make all the fun of Yoda that you want. Yoda would be fucking killer in a business meeting.

Hoagie: Guys, we're going to The Sandpiper!
Chilli: I don't wanna go to The Sandpiper, I'm having a great time here. I miss this basement. [Opens the fridge.] We don't have any more beer. Let's go to The Sandpiper. (00:20:45)

Hoagie: We gotta join forces. We get Jerry now... or we die.
Bob Callahan: What?
Hoagie: Eventually, you know what I mean. (00:06:35)

Quantom X ★

Hoagie: Someone once said we don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing. When you're a kid, you can't imagine having any other group of friends. You think you're going to be buddies forever. Of course, for most people that just doesn't happen. But my friends and I, we figured out a way around that. We just never stopped playing. And I like to think that simple thing, playing a game, is what made me the man I am today. (00:00:35 - 00:01:10)

Hoagie: We lose! He beat us! The game is over. (01:16:30)

Hoagie: Synchronize your watches.
Bob Callahan: I don't know how to do that.
Randy 'Chilli' Cilliano: I don't have a watch.
Kevin Sable: Time is a construct. (00:41:00)

Kevin Griswold: There was a hole in the side of my stall.
Rusty Griswold: Sounds like you found yourself a glory hole.

Rusty Griswold: If Vin Diesel can do it, so can I.