John Hobbes: Something is always happening, but when it happens, people don't always see it, or understand it... or accept it.
John Hobbes: You take any cop on the force, cream or no, ninety-nine percent of the time they're doing their job, aren't they?
Jonesy: Ninety-nine five.
John Hobbes: Point five. So he or she, cream or no, is doing more good out there every day than any lawyer or stockbroker or president of the United States can ever do in their lifetime. Cops are the chosen people.
Melvin B. Tolson: Denigrate. There's a word for you. From the Latin word "niger", to defame, to blacken. It's always there, isn't it? Even in the dictionary. Even in the speech of a Negro professor. Somehow, "black" is always equated with failure.
Melvin B. Tolson: We're holding tryouts for the debate team.
Henry Lowe: You sure you want somebody like me?
Melvin B. Tolson: No. That's why you're trying out.
Jake Shuttlesworth: I want you to go to Big State, Son.
Jesus Shuttlesworth: Aw, Man, you just like everybody else.
Jake Shuttlesworth: No I'm not like everyone else, Son. Everyone else ain't your father.
Jake Shuttlesworth: What are you studying?
Mary Shuttlesworth: Cells.
Jake Shuttlesworth: Yeah, me too.
Jesus Shuttlesworth: God ain't shit.
Jake Shuttlesworth: Number one, why you gotta use this kinda language? What you some kinda heathen now? You don't make no mistakes? You be out here shootin', but you don't miss no shots ever? ever? People make mistakes! People veer off the path! God forgives them.
Jesus Shuttlesworth: Has God forgiven you for killing my mother?
Jake Shuttlesworth: I pray that he has, Son. I believe he has. When will you?
Jake Shuttlesworth: I pray you understand why I pushed you so hard! It was only to get you to that next level, Son. I mean, you's the first Shuttlesworth that's ever gonna make it out of these projects, and I was the one who who put the ball in your hand, Son! I put the ball in your crib.
Jesus Shuttlesworth: I hate my name. What kind of name is Jesus anyway?
Jake Shuttlesworth: It's biblical.
Jesus Shuttlesworth: Yeah, no kidding.
Napoleon Stone: You are dancing around with a cheeseburger.
Jack Moony: You go to hell.
Napoleon Stone: That's what I'm trying to avoid.
Napoleon Stone: Racial prejudice I can understand, but ghost prejudice? Now that's a whole different concept.
Widow: He made them murder my husband, he will take everything we have.
Sam Chisolm: So you seek revenge?
Widow: I seek righteousness. But I'll take revenge.
Sam Chisolm: We've got a seven.
Sheriff Harp: He's got an army!
Josh Faraday: And they'll be murdered by the world's greatest lover.
Sam Chisolm: What we lost in the fire, we found in the ashes.
Preacher: The spirit is willing, but we are not killers.
Sam Chisolm: No one is, until they're looking down the barrel of a gun.
Malcolm X: We didn't land on Plymouth Rock. Plymouth Rock landed on us.
Malcolm X: The only thing I like integrated is my coffee.
Creasy: Okay, my friend. It's off to the next life for you. I guarantee you, you won't be lonely.
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