Quotes from Daniel Stern movies and TV shows

Carlos Delgado: Excuse me, but your boss, he invited both of us to dinner, man.
Joel Keefer: That's because he thinks we're friends.
Carlos Delgado: But, we are friends.
Joel Keefer: We are NOT friends!
Carlos Delgado: You know, you can kiss my johnson, man.

Cyril: When you're 16 they call it Sweet 16 and when you're 18 you get to drink and and vote and see dirty movies. What the hell do you get to do when you're 19?
Mike: You leave home.
Cyril: My Dad said that Jesus never went further than 50 miles from his home.
Mike: Well, look what happened to him.

Mike's Brother: How are you fellas doing?
Cyril: Well, we're a little disturbed by developments in the Middle East, but.

Mike: The only thing I'm afraid of is wastin' the rest of my life with you guys.
Cyril: I thought that was the whole plan. That we were going to waste the rest of our lives together.

Mike: You want to tell me who did it?
Cyril: It was dark... All I can tell your for sure is that they all wore Brut after-shave and reeked of Lavoris.

Mike: That's the place to be right there, Wyoming! Nothin' but prairies and mountains and nobody around. All you need is your bed roll and a good horse.
Cyril: Don't forget your toothbrush! You're still in your cavity-prone years.

Cyril: I sure miss playing basketball. I got depressed as hell when my athlete's foot and jock itch went away.

Dave: Well, I'm supposed to take this college entrance exam.
Cyril: Are you gonna go to college?
Dave: Hell no. I just want to see if I can pass.

Cyril: I wonder what its like to kiss a coed. I wonder about that a lot.

A.J. 'The Reverend' Shepherd: What are you trying to hide?.. You saw it. You saw the monster.
Wilson: Is that what you're going to tell the papers? That you're afraid of monsters?
A.J. 'The Reverend' Shepherd: That's exactly what I'm gonna tell them if you don't fill me in.

Ed Furillo: I'm 14 and my mother and father are fighting again... Y'know, because she caught him again. Caught him... This time the girl drove by the house to pick him up. And I finally realized, he wasn't just cheating on my mother, he was cheating on us. So I told him, I said, "You're bad to us. We don't love you. I'll take care of my mother and my sister. We don't need you any more." And he made like he was gonna hit me, but I didn't budge. And he turned around and he left. He never bothered us again. Well, I took care of my mother and my sister from that day on. That's my best day.
Phil Berquist: What was you're worst day?
Ed Furillo: Same day.

Mitch Robbins: If you're watching what you're recording, then it has to be on 3.
Phil Berquist: What... The TV or... Or the machine?
Mitch Robbins: The TV.
Phil Berquist: You're saying I can record something I'm not even watching?
Mitch Robbins: Yes, that's the point. You don't even need a TV to record.
Phil Berquist: How would I see it?
Mitch Robbins: Well to see it you need a TV.
Ed Furillo: Shut up! Just shut up! He doesn't get it! He'll never get it! It's been 4 hours! The cows can tape something by now! Forget about it please!
Phil Berquist: How do you do the clock?
Ed Furillo: You're dead. You are dead.

Phil Berquist: The man ate bacon at every meal... You... You can't do that!

Marvin Libner: Work, huh, responsibility. Don't these words mean anything to you?
Robert 'Bobby' Libner: Duh.

Kevin Arnold - The Narrator: All of our young lives we search for someone to love. Someone that makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope. All the while wondering if somewhere, somehow, there's someone perfect who might be searching for us.