Quotes from Christopher Mintz-Plasse movies and TV shows

Dave Lizewski: What's the matter, Chris? Shit hit your shorts?
Chris D'Amico: Yeah, and I'm gonna wipe my ass with your face.

Dave Lizewski: You're gonna pay for what you did to my dad.
Chris D'Amico: Your dad? You blew up my dad with a bazooka.

Fogell: Yo guys! 'Sup?
Seth: Fogell, where have you been, man? You almost gave me a goddamn heart attack. Let me see it. Did you pussy out or what?
Fogell: No no, man. I got it; it is flawless. Check it!
Evan: Hawaii. All right, that's good. That's hard to trace, I guess. Wait. You changed your name to McLovin?
Fogell: Yeah.
Evan: McLovin? What kind of a stupid name is that, Fogell? What, are you trying to be an Irish R&B singer?
Fogell: Naw, they let you pick any name you want when you get down there.
Seth: And you landed on McLovin.
Fogell: Yeah. It was between that or Muhammed.
Seth: Why the FUCK would it be between THAT or Muhammed? Why don't you just pick a common name like a normal person?
Fogell: Muhammed is the most commonly used name on Earth. Read a fucking book for once.
Evan: Fogell, have you actually ever met anyone named Muhammed?
Fogell: Have YOU actually ever met anyone named McLovin?
Seth: No, that's why you picked a dumb fucking name!
Fogell: Fuck you.
Seth: Gimme that. All right, you look like a future pedophile in this picture, number 1. Number 2, it doesn't even have a first name, it just says "McLovin"!
Evan: What? One name? ONE NAME? Who are you? Seal?
Seth: Fogell, this ID says that you're 25 years old. Why wouldn't you just put 21, man?
Fogell: Seth, Seth, Seth. Listen up, ass-face: every day, hundreds of kids go into the liquor store with fake IDs, and every single one says they're 21. Pssh, how many 21 year olds do you think there are in this town? It's called fucking strategy, all right?
Evan: Stay calm, okay? Let's not lose our heads. It's... It's a fine ID; it'll... It's gonna work. It's passable, okay? This isn't terrible. I mean, it's up to you, Fogell. This guy is either gonna think 'Here's another kid with a fake ID' or 'Here's McLovin, a 25 year-old Hawaiian organ donor'. Okay? So what's it gonna be?
Fogell: I am McLovin!
Seth: No you're not. No one's McLovin. McLovin's never existed because that's a made up dumb FUCKING FAIRY TALE NAME, YOU FUCK!

Officer Michaels: Yeah McLovin, how is it going with the ladies?
Fogell: It's not the "going" I'm worried about... But the "coming."

Evan: Fogell, I don't understand why you we're smoking cigarettes with those cops.
Fogell: Because I fuckin' rule?

Officer Slater: May we see your identification? [Takes it.] McLovin? [pauses.] That's a cool name.
Fogell: Wha... Wha...
Officer Slater: Yeah, people have weird names nowadays. Once I arrested this man-lady, and his legal first name was "Fuck."
Officer Michaels: He was Vietnamese, so it was spelled "Ph, " but still that's pretty jarring to see on a drivers license.

Officer Michaels: McLovin?
Fogell: Yeah.
Officer Michaels: Great name.
Officer Slater: It is, it just rolls off the tongue.
Officer Michaels: 'Sounds like a sexy hamburger!

Fogell: What's it like to have a gun?
Officer Michaels: It's like having two cocks. If one of your cocks could kill someone.

Fogell: Oh oh, I forgot to tell you: my mom said we could have the TV from the basement...
Evan: Shut the fuck up, man. He's gonna hear you. Just be quiet; wait until he goes away.
Fogell: You still haven't told him that we're rooming together?
Evan: Fogell... Shut the fuck up. And take off that vest. You look like Aladdin.

Liquor Store Clerk: [talking about the spilled pile or beer cans.] Sir, did you drop these?
Fogell: Uh, uh, no. No I didn't. You should clean these up, someone could seriously get hurt.
[walks away.]
Liquor Store Clerk: [looks down.] Fuck my life.

Officer Michaels: How old are you McLovin?
Fogell: Old enough.
Officer Michaels: Old enough for what?
Fogell: To party.

King Gristle: And what might your name be?
Bridget: Uhh...
Biggie: Lady!
Guy Diamond: Glitter!
Smidge: Sparkles!
Branch: Seriously?
Bridget: Lady Glitter Sparkles Seriously.