Quotes from Chris Pratt movies and TV shows

Tony Stark: You're from Earth?
Peter Quill: No, I'm from Missouri.
Tony Stark: Yeah, that's on Earth, dipshit.

Peter Quill: I'm gonna ask you this one time, where is Gamora?
Tony Stark: Yeah, I'll do you one better, WHO is Gamora?
Drax: I'll do you one better, WHY is Gamora?

Peter Quill: Dude, don't call us plucky. We don't know what it means. We're more optimistic, yes. I like your plan. Except, it sucks. So let me do the plan and that way it might be really good.
Drax: Tell him about the dance-off to save the Universe.
Tony Stark: What dance-off?
Peter Quill: It's not a thing.
Peter Parker: Like in Footloose, the movie?
Peter Quill: Exactly like Footloose. Is it still the greatest movie in history?
Peter Parker: It never was.
Tony Stark: Don't encourage Flash Gordon.
Peter Quill: Flash Gordon? That's a compliment. Don't forget, I'm half human. So that 50% of me that's stupid that's 100% you.

Peter Quill: How is this dude still alive?
Drax: He's not a dude. You're a dude. This is a MAN. A handsome, muscular man.
Gamora: It's like his muscles are made of Chitauri metal fibers...
Peter Quill: Stop massaging his muscles.

Drax: I've mastered the ability of standing so incredibly still, that I become invisible to the eye. Watch.
Peter Quill: You're eating a Zargnut.
Drax: My movement is so slow that it's imperceptible.
Peter Quill: Mmm, no.
Drax: I'm sure I'm invisible.
Mantis: Hi, Drax.
Drax: Dammit.

Tony Stark: You know Thor?
Peter Quill: Yeah. Tall guy, not that good-looking, needed saving.

Casual Person

Peter Quill: See, "not winging it" isn't really what they do.
Peter Parker: What exactly is it that they do?
Mantis: Kick names, take ass.
Drax: Yeah, that's right.

Peter Quill: I'm gonna blow that nutsack of a chin right off your face.

Thor: There are six stones out there. Thanos already has the Power Stone because he stole it last week when he decimated Xandar. He stole the Space Stone from me when he destroyed my ship and slaughtered half my people. The Time and Mind Stones are safe on Earth, they're with the Avengers.
Peter Quill: The Avengers?
Thor: The Earth's mightiest heroes.
Mantis: Like Kevin Bacon?
Thor: He may be on the team, I don't know.

Dr. Stephen Strange: What master do you serve?
Peter Quill: Oh, what master do I serve? What am I supposed to say, Jesus?

Peter Quill: Groot, put that thing away, now. I don't want to tell you again. Groot.
Groot: I am Groot.
Peter Quill: Whoa.
Rocket: Language.
Gamora: Hey.
Drax: Wow.
Peter Quill: You got some acorns on you, kid.
Rocket: Ever since you got a little sap, you're a total d-hole.

Casual Person

Peter Quill: Tell me where the girl is or I swear to you I'm gonna French fry this little freak.
Tony Stark: Let's do it. You shoot my guy and I'll blast him. Let's go.
Drax: Do it, Quill! I can take it.
Mantis: No, he can't take it.
Doctor Strange: She's right. You can't.

Casual Person

Doctor Strange: I went forward in time to view alternate futures. To see all the possible outcomes of the coming conflict.
Peter Quill: How many did you see?
Doctor Strange: 14,000,605.
Tony Stark: How many did we win?
Doctor Strange: One.

David: Congratulations, "darling."
Brett: I had it. I had pitched the perfect game, and I had to screw the whole thing up. My mother saw the whole thing on TV.
David: She must have been surprised to find out that you had a male lover.
Brett: No. She said she always suspected it. She told me we would make a lovely couple.
David: And your kids?
Brett: They think it's cool.

David: Do your kids play professional basketball?
Brett: No, not to my knowledge but I will enquire. They don't tell me everything.

Brett: Stop everything for the rest of your life. Every time you have an idea, I want you to come to me and as your friend, I will shoot your idea down.

Brett: My children know that they are too old to be aborted.

Alex Eilhauer: I feel like I'm drinking out of Chewbacca's dick.

Alex Eilhauer: Seeing you chop onions is depressing. It's like watching Michael Jordan take a shit.

Garfield: Is it no Monday? Because it feels like a Monday.
Vic: It's Thursday.
Garfield: Not to me it isn't!