Quotes from Chevy Chase movies and TV shows - page 2 of 3

Lorraine: Are you gonna be okay?
Max Fielder: Oh, yeah, I think things will be okay.
Lorraine: Good.
Mark Winslow: Well, not necessarily.

Clark Griswold: [reciting 'Twas the Night Before Christmas.] When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh, and...and Eddie with a man in his pajamas and a dog chain tied to his wrist and ankles. What the...?

Bishop73

Clark: Worse? How could things get any worse? Take a look around you, Ellen. We're at the threshold of Hell.

Todd: Hey, Griswold. Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big?
Clark: Bend over and I'll show you.
Todd: You've got a lot of nerve talking to me like that, Griswold.
Clark: I wasn't talking to you.

Clark: Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.

Mr. Shirley: Don't forget that report, Bill.
Clark Griswold: Yes, sir. Thank you, Merry Christmas. [To the executives with Mr. Shirley as they pass by.] Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.

Bishop73

Ellen Griswold: What are you looking at?
Clark Griswold: Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn. The clean, cool chill of the holiday air. An asshole, in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer.

Bishop73

Clark: Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?

Clark: 'Tis the season to be merry.
Mary: That's my name.
Clark: No shit.

Clark Griswold: What are you doing up, sweetheart?
Ruby Sue Johnson: Rocky bit my thumb. Him's nervous because Christmas is almost here.
Clark: Nervous or excited?
Ruby Sue: Shittin' bricks.
Clark: You shouldn't use that word.
Ruby Sue: Sorry. Shittin' rocks.

Bishop73

Clark: Oh, I was just smelling - smiling. I was just blouse - browsing. I, uh, heh heh. Well, I guess it just wouldn't... Oh hee hee, it wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they - HOTTER than they are. Whew. It is warm in here, isn't it?
Mary: You have your coat on.
Clark: Yes, oh do I? Yeah, it is a bit nipply out. I mean nippy. What am I saying, nipple?

Clark: When Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.

ThisRaines

Clark Griswold: There's Buckingham Palace, kids. That's where the Queen lives and works.
Audrey Griswold: Works? What does she do, Dad?
Clark Griswold: She queens... and vacuums.

Rusty Griswold: Who was it that said when in Rome do as the Romans do?
Clark Griswold: That was Rome not Paris. This is Paris and you're drunk.

Chris Thorne: Thanks for the espresso maker... and the bag of shit.

Fausto: Where are we going?
Chris Thorne: We're going to Atlantic City, Fausto. Get in the trunk.

Chris Thorne: They're Brazillionaires, they have breakfast at 2pm in the afternoon.

Chris Thorne: Fun is actually knowing who half your guests are.

Russian Interregator #2: Every minute you don't tell us why you are here, I cut off a finger.
Emmett Fitz-Hume: Mine or yours?
Russian Interregator #2: Yours.
Emmett Fitz-Hume: Damn.

Emmett Fitz-Hume: What did she say?
Austin Millbarge: She wants to know why we'd do such a thing.
Emmett Fitz-Hume: Tell her so do we.