Quotes from Billy Connolly movies and TV shows

King Fergus: The ancients spoke of it. It is the heart of this fierce land. It is carried in the wind. Born of our legends and when we are put to the test, it is the one thing that we must always be.

John Brown: We were due in at 1.15. You're late.

John Brown: You tell Her Majesty that if her husband were here he'd tell her to get out of the house and get some air into her lungs.

John Brown: It's only grief makes her like she is.
Archie Brown: Three years, John. Is that not a bit long to be grieving?
John Brown: She loved him.
Archie Brown: Come on, man. There's love and there's.
John Brown: What?
Archie Brown: You know what I mean.
John Brown: I'm not sure I do, Archie.
Archie Brown: There's love and there's behaving like you do because there's nobody to tell you not to.

Queen Victoria: Mr Brown.
John Brown: Yes, ma'am.
Queen Victoria: You have been told repeatedly not to stand in the courtyard unless requested to do so.
John Brown: Yes, ma'am.
Queen Victoria: Then why do you persist in doing it?
John Brown: Because I think Her Majesty is wrong. If ever there was a poor soul who needed fresh air, it is her.
Queen Victoria: The Queen will ride out if and when she chooses.
John Brown: And I intend to be there when she's ready.

Wilf Bond: I read somewhere that the average man thinks of sex every seven seconds.
Reginald Paget: Do you?
Wilf Bond: I wish, it was only every seven seconds.

Marek: I just delivered her to the French for safekeeping. How did the English get her?
Professor Johnston: It's history.
Marek: Then history will change.

Gordy McLeod: This morning I was thinking about Doug when he was Jess' age. I used to tickle him and he'd go, "No, no, no!" Then when I was finished, he'd go, "More, more, more, more!" Which sums up exactly how I feel about living.

Gordy McLeod: The truth is, every human being on this planet is ridiculous in their own way. So we shouldn't judge, we shouldn't fight, because in the end... in the end, none of it matters. None of this stuff.