Bert: Dad, give me some life advice some words of wisdom.
Albert Kreischer: Everybody's gotta die sometime.
Bert: That's it?
Quotes from Bert Kreischer movies and TV shows
Bert: Oh my God I'm inside him. He's so warm.
Bert: We should get a bunch of kid sized real-dolls on this set. I always wanted to see what being a pedophile felt like... never-mind I already do!
Alexei: So you can fight?
Bert: I went to Florida State. All we know how to do is fight fuck and drink.
Bert: Use this drug energy for good. Like Charlie Sheen.
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