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Nurse Krud: Dead men tell no tales, but they fart.

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Football Coach: Wait a minute. Now, he could be our man. Look at him! Look at him! He's got blood on his hands!
Malvert: No, since accident, Malvert pee red. You know good urologist?

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The Breather: [On the phone.] I'm gonna kill next at the football game. Click.
Ms. Van Dyke: Did you hang up?
The Breather: No, I just said "click."

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[Phone rings.]
Ms. Van Dyke: I'll get it. I'm farthest from the phone.
Miss Mumsley: That makes sense.

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Toby: Who could have done these murders?
Hardy: I don't know. It could have been anybody.
Toby: Well, it can't be anybody. It's gotta be somebody.
Hardy: Of course it's somebody, but that somebody could be anybody.
Toby: Well, look, we didn't do it, right?
Hardy: Right.
Toby: So you can't say it could be anybody. We're anybody.
Hardy: True, but we're also somebody.

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Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, in order to achieve an "R" rating today, a motion picture must contain full frontal nudity, graphic violence, or an explicit reference to the sex act. Since this film has none of those, and since research has proven that R-rated films are by far the most popular with the movie-going public, the producers of this motion picture have asked me to take this opportunity to say "Fuck you."
[The MPAA R-rating logo appears on the screen.].

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Principal Peters: Hasn't there been enough senseless killing? Let's have a murder that makes sense!

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