MacGruber (2010)

Dieter Von Cunth: Weak.

Lt. Dixon Piper: The Legendary MacGruber. Former Navy SEAL, Army Ranger and Green Beret. Served six tours in Desert Storm, four in Bosnia, three each in Angola, Somalia, Mozambique, Nicaragua and Sierra Leone. Recipient of sixteen Purple Hearts, three Congressional Medals of Honor, seven Presidential Medals of Bravery and starting tight end for the University of Texas, El Paso.
MacGruber: That was a long time ago.

MacGruber: That was great! That was fuckin' tits.

Dieter Von Cunth: You punch like a little girl.
MacGruber: Well, you're gonna walk around like a little girl. 'Cause after I disarm this nuke, I'm gonna cut off your dick and.
Dieter Von Cunth: Shove it in my mouth. You're like a broken record.
MacGruber: The only record I'm gonna break is the "amount of your own dick in your mouth" record.

MacGruber: Let me tell you how this is gonna go down. First I'm gonna kick you in the chin, breaking your jaw in four places. I'm gonna take you and karate flip you over my back, and then knee your nose into your brain, killing you instantly. I do wanna get a throat rip in here. I think that's gonna be you, small fry. One thing I do know, at the end of the day, Cunth, I'm gonna rip your dick off and shove it in your mouth. And that is non-negotiable. Who's first?

Lt. Dixon Piper: What is the plan?
MacGruber: Well, I kind of make it up as I go.
Lt. Dixon Piper: That's not really a plan then.
MacGruber: Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans. And I'm not good with clues. What I am good with is kicking ass and ripping throats.

MacGruber: How's your nose, rookie?
Lt. Dixon Piper: It's fine. I just banged it into a giant vagina.
MacGruber: So, my face is a vagina, huh? Well, I bet you wish your nose was a dick... so you could fuck butts.

MacGruber: Relax Vicki this is just like Nicaragua.
Vicki St. Elmo: I got shot in Nicaragua.
MacGruber: This is nothing like Nicaragua.

Vicki St. Elmo: I thought you were dead.
MacGruber: So did I, but I'm not.

MacGruber: Classic MacGruber.

MacGruber: Looks like you're keeping your bod pretty tight.
Frank Korver: You're looking pretty good yourself.
MacGruber: Well, everday's a workout when you gotta carry around a 20 pound python in your jeans.
Frank Korver: You and your dick comments.
MacGruber: It's fun to say them.
Frank Korver: It's fun to hear them.
MacGruber: That's why I say them.
Frank Korver: And that's why I listen.

MacGruber: I've got a better idea: no fucking way.

MacGruber: Hoss Bender, dead at the age of who the fuck cares.

MacGruber: Okay, so once we take out the guards, Vicki will walk in dressed as Hoss, and then we'll just, you know, see what happens. You ready?
Lt. Dixon Piper: Wait. Wait, so we're just gonna wing it?
MacGruber: Piper, there's a big difference between winging it and seeing what happens. Now let's see what happens.