Uncle Albert: With great power comes...
Rick Riker: Great responsibility?
Uncle Albert: Actually, I was gonna say bitches.
Lou Landers: Thanksgiving is a time for family. Lance is the only family I have. I never married.
Jill Johnson: [Offering him fruitcake.] Fruitcake?
Lou Landers: No, I just haven't found the right woman.
Uncle Albert: How can you say that? I've been like a father to you! I raised you, just like your father did! I believed in you, just like your father did! I slept with your mother, just like your father did!
Dr. Stephen Hawking: If there is one lesson my life can teach, is it that the spirit is stronger than the body. The hero comes from within.
Dragonfly: Those are Celine Dion lyrics.
Jill's Mother: You're a whore, just like your mother!
Rick Riker: Who was that?
Jill Johnson: My mother.
