Fred Claus: Nick, there's been one thing that's been eating at me since I've been here. That Naughty-Nice List that you got? There's no naughty kids, Nick. They're all good kids. But some of them are scared. And some of them don't feel listened to. Some of them had some pretty tough breaks too. But every kid deserves a present on Christmas.
Willie: Charlene, do you think it's possible we can make enough gifts to meet our quota?
Charlene: Baseball bats, lose four seconds, 55... Yeah, it is possible.
Willie: It is, but, Fred, that's not what the kids asked for.
Fred Claus: Yeah, but all that matters is that each of the kids get a toy. That they have something that they can open when they wake up in the morning. Most importantly, they all know there's somebody who's thinking about them.
Clyde: You're all fired, in the morning you'll all be on a bus back to Elfistan.
DJ Donnie: I'm from the south side of the north pole man.
Willie: Are you sure you wouldn't be more comfortable on bottom, Fred?
Fred Claus: To be honest Willie, I don't think it's gonna make much of a difference either way.
Clyde: Where do you think you're going?
Fred Claus: Delivering presents.
Clyde: No you're not! Santa is the only one who can deliver the presents.
Willie: No, only a Claus can deliver the presents, and that is a Claus.
Fred Claus: Only one man's going to walk away from this thing, and I promise you! It's going to be the lightning-quick dude with the big yellow things in his hands! Dig it?
DJ Donnie: What up, Brother Fred? Can I get a 'ho ho... '?
Fred Claus: No.
DJ Donnie: Ooh, you Scrooge, you lose.
