Mr. Vader: Do you believe in God?
Divine: I AM GOD.
Divine: Connie Marble, you stand convicted of assholeism! Your proper punishment will now take place. Look pretty for the picture, Connie.
Mr. J: Even with the hectic events of the day, Raymond Marble still finds time to satisfy his perverted urges. Watch, as he not only commits another act of indecent exposure, but adds to this social horror by making his wife wait in the car. Is there no shame?
The Egg Man: I am your eggman, and there ain't a better one in town.
Babs Johnson: Oh my God, what a horrible photograph. My first wanted poster and I look just awful.
Nat Curzan from "The Tattler": And Cotton... I notice a smile on your lips. Does murder make you happy?
Cotton: Murder merely relieves tension, Mr. Curzan. For murder to bring happiness, one must already be happy and I am - completely at peace with myself, totally happy.
Connie Marble: We'll see who's the filthiest person alive! We'll just see.
Connie Marble: Fire, fire, burn it down! Fire, fire, to the ground.
Babs Johnson: Oh my God Almighty! Someone has sent me a bowel movement.
Babs Johnson: I'm all dressed up and ready to fall in love.
Crackers: No one sends you a turd and expects to live.
Connie Marble: He's been... castrated. His penis is gone.
Babs Johnson: Give me more questions.
Nat Curzan from "The Tattler": Divine, are you a lesbian?
Babs Johnson: Yes! I have done everything.
Crackers: A turd, Mama, a turd.
Cotton: Who could've sent this?
Miss Edie: Ahhh. A turd? Oh, a turd! Oh, Babs.
Babs Johnson: This is a direct attack on my divinity.
Babs Johnson: I'll have to change my appearance. I think I'll dye my hair another color and start dressing like a dyke.
Cotton: Me too! I'll get a crew cut.
Babs Johnson: Kill everyone now! Condone first degree murder! Advocate cannibalism! Eat shit! Filth is my politics! Filth is my life.
