Weirdly religious child: And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle...so that Man could fight the dinosaurs... And the homosexuals.
Chorus of siblings: A-men!
Karen: You know who's looking fine tonight? Seth Mosakowski.
Gretchen: Okay, you did not just say that.
Karen: What? He's a good kisser.
Gretchen: He's your cousin.
Karen: Yeah, but he's my first cousin.
Gretchen: Right.
Karen: So, you have your cousins, and then you have your first cousins, and then you have your second cousins...
Gretchen: No, honey, uh-uh.
Karen: That's not right, is it?
Gretchen: That is so not right.
Karen: Ma'am, do you have this in the next size up?
Saleslady: Sorry, we only carry sizes 1,3, and 5. You could try Sears.
Cady: Wait Regina, I didn't mean for this to happen!
Regina: To find out that everyone hates me? I don't care!
Cady: Wait Regina, just listen!
Regina: No! Do you know what everyone says about you? Hmm? They say that you're a homeschooled jungle freak that's a less hot version of me! Yeah, so don't try to act so innocent! You can take that fake apology, and shove it right up your hairy c...[gets hit by a bus.].
Mrs. George: I'm not a regular mom, I'm a cool mom. Right, Regina?
Regina: Please stop talking.
Cady: I have this theory, that if you cut off all her hair she'd look like a British man.
Bethany Byrd: Somebody wrote in that book that I'm lying about being a virgin because I use super jumbo tampons. But I can't help it if I've got a heavy flow and a wide set vagina!
Janis: Wow, Damian, you've truly out-gayed yourself.
Cady: Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.
Regina: I gave him everything... I was half a virgin when I met him!
Cady: Ms. Norbury had us write out apologies to people we'd hurt in our lives.
Michigan Girl: Alyssa, I'm sorry I called you a gap-toothed bitch. It's not your fault you're so gap-toothed.
Cady's dad: Hey, how was school?
Cady: Fine.
Cady's mum: Were people nice?
Cady: No.
Cady's dad: Did you make any friends?
Cady: Yes.
Karen: God. My hips are huge!
Gretchen: Oh please. I hate my calves.
Regina: At least you guys can wear halters. I've got man shoulders.
Cady: [voiceover] I used to think there was just fat and skinny. But apparently there's lots of things that can be wrong on your body.
Gretchen: My hairline is so weird.
Regina: My pores are huge.
Karen: My nail beds suck.
Cady: Regina, wow, you look really beautiful.
Regina: I'm wearing a spinal halo.
Cady: Look, I'm really sorry about the bus. I feel like it's all my fault.
Regina: Stopping making this about you. I'm the one that got hit by the bus.
Cady: I'm really sorry about all the other stuff too.
Regina: Okay, I'm going to forgive you because I'm a very Zen person... And I'm on a lot of pain medication right now.
Coach Carr: Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up. Kiss, just don't do it, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers.
Jason: Did you see nipple? It only counts if you saw a nipple!
Student: Yeah, that's true dude.
Aaron: Your face smells like peppermint.
Chosen answer: The first time she goes in with Damian and Janice is their homeroom and when she is with Aaron it is the actual class.
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