Mitch Martin: At this point, you may be asking yourself, why am I holding this 30 pound cinderblock in my hands? You might also ask yourself, why does this cinderblock have a long piece of string tied to it? And finally, why is the other end of this string tied securely to your penis?
Beanie: And the answer, ladies... is trust.
Frank: That's how you do it. That's how you debate.
Beanie: Yeah, that's it. I got a student alt rock band coming on next. Mitch, I own six speaker cities. I am worth three-and-a-half-million dollars that the government knows about. I got more electronics up there than a damn kiss concert. Tou think I'm gonna roll out this type of red carpet for a fucking marching band? Just make sure you can see the stage.
Frank: Dear Mitch, if you're holding this letter you already know. The house has been boarded up. The doors. The windows. Everything. We're at the Comfort Inn. Room 112. I love you. Frank.
Beanie: He's playing hardball. And I got to admit. I'm impressed.
Mitch Martin: True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend.
Gordon Pritchard: Half these guys don't even go here and that one guy is like ninety.
Beanie: Don't beat yourself up over this, Mitch. It's not your fault. Dammit, Blue was old. That's what old people do. They die.
Beanie: Well why don't you give me your number in case anything happens to my wife.
Nicole: I heard one of your pledges died. Is that true?
Mitch: Well, yes, but Blue was really old. And I feel pretty confident when we get the autopsy back it'll say natural causes.
Beanie: All right, let me be the first to say congratulations to then. You get one vagina for the rest of your life. Real smart, Frank. Way to work it through.
Frank: In this corner, weighing in at 110 pounds and pushing 89 years of age and the recent recipient of a brand new plastic hip, Joseph "Blue" Polaski.
Beanie: I'd like to welcome you all to the Mitch Martin Freedom Festival. Now for those of you who don't know who Mitch Martin is, he's the very successful, very disease-free gentleman standing by the mini-bar. Now, courtesy of Speaker City, which is slashing prices on everything from beepers to DVD players, give a warm welcome Harrison welcome to my pal and your favorite, Snoop Dogg.
Waiter: And don't worry. For the Godfather, it's always on the house.
Beanie: That party that we had last night has given us a lot of street cred.
Chosen answer: No. Because it could be viewed more as extortion than a bribe.