Hazel Flagg: Oh, darling, I'd love to sit with you in here for the rest of my life.
Oliver Stone: I am sitting here, Mr. Cook, toying with the idea of removing your heart... and stuffing it like an olive!
Hazel Flagg: Oh, Enoch, why did you let me come to New York? If you were only as honest as you look.
Wally Cook: Say goodnight to Papa, now.
Hazel Flagg: Why? What are you gonna do?
Hazel Flagg: I don't suppose newspaper men marry - as a rule.
Wally Cook: Not after 14 or 15. That's the dangerous age for the journalist. His ideals are not yet formed and he falls easy prey to elderly waitresses.
Wally Cook: I used to love New York when it went ga-ga over some celebrity. It danced in the streets with a neon light around its heart. I'm getting fed up with its trick tears and phony lamentations over you.
Hazel Flagg: Be glad then for me. It makes everything all right in a way. What I mean is, I wouldn't want to feel I was really making all those people suffer.
Hazel Flagg: It's kind of startling to be brought to life twice - and each time in Warsaw!
Oliver Stone: Before I finish with that female Dracula, she'll know one thing: that Oliver Stone is worse than radium poisoning four ways from the jack!
Wally Cook: New York is gonna lay it's heart at your feet, while the whistles blow, the bands play and the cameras grind.
Opening Title Card: THIS IS NEW YORK - Skyscraper Champion of the World... where Slickers and Know-It-Alls peddle gold bricks to each other... and where Truth, crushed to earth rises again more phony than a glass eye.
Hazel Flagg: Oh Wallace, don't you think you ought to notify 'em that you located me?
Wally Cook: Oh, the fresh air'll do 'em good.
Dr. Enoch Downer: I brought you something. Raw eggs! Just what you need. The albumin counteracts the alcohol. Suck 'em right down. It'll settle your stomach. Go on! I got a whole dozen.
Hazel Flagg: Is this the way drunks feel?
Dr. Enoch Downer: Hazel, you've got what is known in medicine - as a hangover.
Hazel Flagg: I've got something worst than that. I've got a conscience. Oou!
Dr. Enoch Downer: Keep on suckin' that egg and your conscience will go away.
Oliver Stone: Read that! Rub your nose in it. That's Hazel Flagg - the biggest fake in the century. A lying, faking witch with the soul of a eel and the brain of a tarantula!
Wally Cook: Listen, my dying swan, this is no time to stop faking! You're gonna have pneumonia and you're gonna have it good!
Dr. Enoch Downer: Take your stockings off!
Hazel Flagg: You're the doctor, take 'em off yourself.
Hazel Flagg: You know, I don't, which I am: happy or miserable. I-I'm all mixed up.
Wally Cook: Take that ice pack off your head and fight.
Hazel Flagg: No, no. What's the use? Why fool them any longer?
Wally Cook: Because I love you. Because I'm going to marry you and I don't want to spend my honeymoon hanging around Sing Sing blowing kisses to you in the exercise yard! Come on, stop dogging! You've got to be bathed in perspiration!
Wally Cook: I got in touch with Oliver, er, Oliver Stone my editor. He's toe dancing in the street waiting for us.
Hazel Flagg: I hope he's nice like you.
Wally Cook: Well he's got a different quality of charm. He's sort of a cross between a ferris wheel and a werewolf. But with a lovable streak if you care to blast for it.
Oliver Stone: Pneumonia... It's the finger of God if it's true.
Schoolteacher: Miss Flagg, I represent 100,000 young matrons. We switched a whole study course from the menace of Communism to the inspiration of Hazel Flagg.
